Well, I do. Of course. But I am "taking applications" for the job for a fun post.

The Halloween candy has not even hit the bargain bin yet and already the shelves are going red and green. Wait a minute. Where's Thanksgiving? You know, the holiday created around sharing our blessings with family and friends, cherishing what you have, not shopping for more? Oh yeah. That doesn't sell on the store shelves. And that is exactly why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. That, and it's a holiday with FOOD.

I dread any kind of shopping in a tourist area — other than food shopping. It seems like every time you walk into a “gift” shop, the place is filled with the same cheap crap from China just stamped with the location name where you are. Enough landfill fodder already.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest just published a report detailing the nutrition and caloric content of kids' meals from 13 major chains. The result? An astounding NINETY-THREE percent of the 1,474 meal options exceeded the caloric limit of 430 calories for a child's meal. The 430 is based on one-third of a the recommended daily allowance of calories for a child aged four to eight. Worst options:

I hate SpongeBob. Okay, not exactly SpongeBob, but more precisely I have a strong suspicion of all commercial media aimed at my child. You see, a rather frightening statistic is that, on average, children watch FOUR HOURS of TV per day. For these children, that means 30,000 commercials a year. 80 percent are for junk foods.