The process of becoming: Change as a chrysalis for who you really are—at any age

By: susan mernit Topics: Sex & Relationships

In the past three months, I’ve changed my job, my career and my place to live. I’ve left a big company, started a business, given up my apartment, and am planning a temporary move to another state, followed by moving back to the Bay area and then moving in—to a new house we hope to get together-- with my boyfriend.

If someone had told me five years ago that this was where I’d be in my life right now, I would have looked at them in complete disbelief, and yet everything that’s happened (except for getting laid off) is something I’ve created and/or chosen.

Surviving Separations: I’m about to try, and I’m a little scared.

By: susan mernit Topics: Sex & Relationships

This summer, I’m leaving the Bay area for a few months to work on a project (okay, it's a start-up).

While I am incredibly excited about what I am about to do, ands think it’s a good decision; aspects of this choice totally fill me with terror. You see, in the past I’ve been an escape artists of sorts, someone who (unconsciously) used work and travel and career momentum to put enough distance between myself and ambivalent relationships to make them bearable.

In Memoriam: Rochelle Ratner, 1949--2008

By: susan mernit Topics: Sex & Relationships

One of my oldest and dearest friends died last month, after what seemed like an all-to-brief and unfairly fatal illness; this post is about her, about friendship and about what we shared.

Breakup blogs: Does sharing your pain just lead to more problems? Yep.

By: susan mernit Topics: Sex & Relationships

The buzz heard round the blogosphere last week when the New York Times did a story called When the Ex Blogs, the Dirtiest Laundry Is Aired wasn’t so much a start of surprise as a nod of recognition.

Baby, You (Can’t) Drive My Car, and Other Thoughts About Money, Sharing, and Relationships

By: susan mernit Topics: Sex & Relationships

Money and romance, yeah, it’s tough.

I’ve always been one of those people who wanted to control her own money, and didn’t feel trusting about sharing. Control issues, you know? Even when I was married, it took a while--I think we were married for 6 years before I agreed to share a bank account. Before than, as I recall, my husband and I took turns dividing the household expenses and paid out of our mutual checking accounts. Keeping your own money just seemed more honest to me, cleaner.