Bloggers Share Their Date Rape Experiences

BlogHer Original Post

What do you think of when you think of date rape?

I think of the 80s, and years and years of sex ed. We were taught what it was. We were taught to be "safe." We were taught what to do if it happened anyway. And nothing about it ever seemed confusing to me.

But then again, it never happened to me.

In many ways, it was easy to be somewhat naive in the 80s. We didn't have a blogosphere of personal rape experiences and news stories to shake us up and educate us. What can *I* say to you about date rape? Not very much. But there are many brave bloggers sharing their date rape experiences.

Harriet Jacobs from Fugitivus has a lot to share in her must-read post, Another post about rape:

This is my post for people who have not been raped, and maybe some of those that have and have not been able to admit it. I want to explain how rape without violence occurs, and why it is still rape, and still force.

Ashley blogs at Notes from a Survivor and writes the equally powerful, Rape reactions (of others and my own). I really value this part:

Stay strong women and men out there; and remember that men can prevent rape too, by not condoning it, and by helping a girl—even if she is a random stranger—in a situation that you see that is not right—regardless if the perpetrator is a friend of yours or not.

Which brings me to a recent post by Melissa McEwan on Shakesville, Read This—and Resolve Again to Be All In. She writes about a hidden camera segment on Good Morning America:

This morning's "What would you do?" positioned a man ("John") and a woman ("Brigitte") at a bar in the late afternoon, pretending to be on a date, with John putting a powder into Brigitte's drink when she went to the bathroom.

You can watch the segment on Jezebel: Would You Tell Someone If Her Drink Had Been Drugged?

And the point here? Speak up. Get offended. Butt in if something feels wrong. It's beyond terrifying to think that someone could witness someone spiking your drink and just let you walk out with the person who drugged you.

Here's another one: Jess McCabe blogs on The F Word, “But was it rape?” about a recent Don Savage podcast where a young man was confused:

He explains, basically, how he was with some friends and they came across a very drunk female student. She came with them to the party they were going to, where one of his friends locked her in a room and “had sex” with her - when she was clearly incapacitated, and very likely unconscious.

He wants to know if he should still be friends with this man.

A couple of things struck me, listening to the podcast - but mostly it was his reaction when Dan Savage calls what happened rape. Which it very much sounds like it was - but the student sounds surprised and a bit shocked (he’s labelled this as a possible “sexual assault” if I remember correctly).

When did rape get confusing?

I haven't read it yet, but I'm hoping some answers can be found in this new collection of essays, "Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape." Reviews and interviews abound on the web, but Christine C. on Our Bodies Ourselves posted today, Yes Means Yes: Q&A With Lisa Jervis & Brad Perry:

In “An Old Enemy in a New Outfit: How Date Rape Became Gray Rape and Why it Matters,” Jervis deconstructs the latest blame-the-victim terminology. Perry’s essay, “Hooking Up With Healthy Sexuality: The Lessons Boys Learn (and Don’t Learn) About Sexuality, and Why a Sex-Positive Rape Prevention Program Can Benefit Everyone Involved,” revisits advice Perry received as a teenager and the more enlightened strategies he has encountered in his work.

To close, I'm going to leave you with two more very personal posts about date rape and a couple of definition/resource links:

Charlotte Hilton Andersen on The Great Fitness Experiment blogs The Not-Rape Epidemic.

And from Wonderspot, 365 Days…Almost. She also posted a followup on BlogHer, Can I Help You?

From The Cleveland Clinic: Rape and Date Rape.

From TeensHealth: Date Rape.

Finally, when you're reading any of these personal posts please be aware that the content is graphic and certainly potentially triggering. And may I suggest that you also read through the comments? Not everyone who has something powerful to share has a blog. So often there's so much of value to be found in the comments as well.

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

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