Family by Design ~ New Blog Site!

  Glad to be part of BlogHer! We have changed the location of our blog but we will still bring you the best information and inspiration on adoption, adoptive parenting and foster care! You will also get updates on all the great and inspiring guests that will appear on Family by Design Radio each month....more

Full glass of wine kind of night

If the adoption fairy had granted me a crystal ball and showed me an evening like today, I'm not sure I would have gone through with the adoption.  Don't get me wrong.  I love the "good" son.  The one that shares his snacks and offers to help around the house.  But the "bad" son I loathe like an ex-lover.  He can be just a rageing asshole for no reason at all.  Actually, he has his reasons.  They're just unacceptable in this house. I'm sorry if you don't want to do chores.  But we all have to do chores and just  because you don't want to ...more

Uterus on Vacation: Permanently?

A representation of my uterus (i...more

I hate it when he laughs

When he's mocking me.  Can. Not. Freaking. Stand....more

A Close One

After a wonderful morning yesterday, DS went to bed in a pissy mood.  Granted, I did make him try on all of the pants and shorts in his closet so I knew what needed to be donated, marked as play, and marked as school.  The kid has more clothes than any child should and I haven't bought any of it (yay for hand me downs and grand parents!).  Regardless, he knows he goes to bed at the same time every night whether is summer vs school or weekend vs week day.  Its just not worth the fight so we've kept that the same. I raised an eyebrow as he stomped off to bed, took ...more

Few and Far Between Lately

Mornings like this are what I live for.  Most wouldn’t see anything special about it, just a typical morning, but to me it’s a direct gift from God.  A morning without any fighting, arguing, attitude, tardiness, screaming, or stress.  It’s the most wonderful thing on the face of the planet to a parent of a child with ODD.  Perhaps it was the weekend that brought this change of attitude.  We were still fighting the ODD all weekend long.  DS earned himself 2 full days of extra chores because he just couldn’t turn his mouth off.  He’d scream and cry t...more

Holding my own

This morning was considerably better compared to yesterday.  Of course, the day isn't over yet...........Yesterday evening when I picked DS up from the sitter, I learned that he had yet again engaged in a physical altercation with a 4 year old.  DS is 8.  We've been down this road before.  And he knows better.  I will say I reacted better this time than I have in previous times and perhaps it was because he was already in trouble from that morning so anything else really just didn't matter when it came to consequences.  There's only so much that I can h...more

My Birth Mother Doesn't Like the Term “Birth Mother”

One of the first commonalities that my birth mother and I discovered when we reestablished contact shortly after my 30th birthday is that we are both wordy people: readers, writers, storytellers. So it was perhaps inevitable that we would eventually get into a discussion of the language of adoption. She and I have many things in common, but one thing we differ on is the word “birth mother.” She doesn’t like it. I’m rather fond of it....more

I have several friends, and a ton of students, who refer to this person as the "incubator," ...more

I'm Angry Today

I'm angry about the Casey Anthony verdict. I'm angry that a wonderful friend and her husband will not be able to move forward, for reasons that are not my story to tell, with gaining guardianship of a young girl who desperately needs the stability of their loving home. I'm angry, to paraphrase the most excellent Keanu Reeves from the movie Parenthood, because you need a license to catch a fish, to drive a car, but any a-hole can be a parent. WTF, universe? ...more

Casey Anthony is Morallly Guilty

Since I first heard about Caylee’s disappearance it especially struck me at the time because I have a daughter the same age Caylee was at the time.  My daughter had just turned 3, and I held her a bit more closely, while we all waited for another sweet, innocent girl to come home and celebrate her own 3rd birthday....more