The thoughts that keep you awake at night

 Every now and then, the reality of my situation jumps up and slaps me in the face. Last night was one of those times. I adopted my two children when I was in my mid forties. I didn't feel like I was a middle-aged person. I felt great. The years in front of me seemed endless. I never hesitated about taking on two babies. I had energy to burn, and heck, I would only be in my mid sixties when they reached 21, so that was fine. What never entered my mind, what couldn't enter it because I didn't know, was that first of all, when you hit fifty, things shift....more

Filling in the holes

5th April 2005...more

Dealing with attitudes

4th April 2005 Been a better day today. Helped by having a decent conversation in the chat room yesterday, made me realise how lucky I am compared to others who have greater problems than me. A couple of hours ago one of the church members came round to see us to let us know he wanted to give us his car. Typical I start something and company turns up so will have to come back to this later....more

My World

I will be in the process of getting my journal here in a better order than it is elsewhere so that it makes sense:18th July 2010...more

A Tale of Three Mothers on Mother's Day

My younger daughter was baptized on Pentecost Sunday in 2008. It happened also to be Mother’s Day that Sunday. My mother, my father and my daughters’ godparents all came to town for the big event, as did my baby’s mother. That is to say, her first, natural, birth or biological mother -- the one who carried her six weeks shy of 40, then nearly died before an emergency c-section saved her -- came to town to celebrate the baptism and her own very first Mother’s Day....more
thirdrootprod …it happens I think it needs ritual that acknowledges the complexity including the ...more

What won’t be happening this year on Mother’s Day….My Childrens Day

I remember as a very young adult, surfacing from my teen years… Finding myself married… and not having a mother figure in my life struggling with the very thought of mother’s day… It depressed me… It angered me (not that everything didn’t anger me at this point)… I remember flashbacks to the cultish church (sometimes which I had been dragged to by my hair) and the Mothers day program and cheesy songs put on by the primary… and the little flowers given to all the mothers in attendance… I remember all the girls in their Easter dresses with fancy hats (It was tradition to wear them again for t...more

FYI- Angel girl did come see me! She is amazing... We exchanged gifts.. I had for her dried ...more

She Wants Two Sisters :: On the Way to Adoption

That is Rowan's order. Two sisters, please. Named Rose and Moose. Well, maybe not. But maybe so (except for the named 'Moose' bit). We are working towards adopting. Given the time frames and many unknowns, we don't say much about it yet, other than to acknowledge it is 'in our plans'.  Perhaps this reticence goes back to our first adoption experience. ...more

I am the marketing director for and we are looking for volunteer writers for our website. Please check out the site and see if it is something you would like to contribute to. Please email me directly at ...more

An Open Door

So, I take them into the baby's room with it's newly painted lavender walls, the gifted crib, new super comfy glider with matching ottoman, new changing table, new stroller/car seat combo, and all of the other assorted and sundry baby things that we've either purchased or received as gifts. "You've done a really nice job in here," says my mom. "Do you like the color?" I ask. "It's really pretty," she replies and then after a pause adds, "I guess I just thought you'd have this room closed up."...more

Bless your heart,Keep moving forward. We adopted 2 babies from foster care. It's an emotional ...more

How I Met My Mother

I have been writing this post over and over in my head the last couple weeks. I just am not sure I have the words, not sure I can convey the emotion of all this. I am going to do my best, bare with me… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Friday 3/18- I am at work and about 9:30 in the morning by cell vibrates in my pocket. I sneak it out for a look and see a 609 area code calling me. I grew up in New Jersey and know the area code, but most of my contact with people from my home state is limited to FaceBook....more