Advice for Parenting after Adoption

So you've either just started the adoption process or you're already a new adoptive parent. Whether you're navigating domestic, international, or a foster-to-adopt program, all forms of adoption have elements in common and this crib sheet aims to get you ready or help you along as you become a parent. You've probably already studied the mechanics of parenting such as feeding, changing, bathing and transporting, but what about all the unique parenting moments that come up through adoption? ...more

Thoughts About Final Thoughts

While vacationing during the holidays in December, I was on my way for an early morning walk when my luck seemed to run out. Starting from the sixth floor of my hotel, I planned to take the stairs for my “warm-up”. As I approached the elevators on my way to the stairway, I saw a couple who were on the tennis court near us the day before shortly before we were all rained out. They were off to the courts to play again and we got to chatting about the weather, and other matters, when the elevator arrived....more

Racism, Our Progress and Our Problems

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”                         -Martin Luther King Jr. This is a week to reflect on how much progress we’ve made since the days of segregation and how much farther we have to go to fight racism....more
I agree that social media has made things worse because people feel anonymous enough to say ...more

Why we aren't open to adoption

"You still don't have kids?" "When are you having kids?" "Oh you guys must do something about that." "Let me teach you how..." Perhaps, this 2013, I should start counting how many kinds of these remarks do we get in a year. It's actually ok to hear these remarks at the first two years of marriage, since we actually didn't want kids during that period. But after 4 years, these get into us.  It equates to pressure.  Actually, after 4 years, we get this: "How about adoption?" The answer is no.  And why? ...more

My Son Was Adopted...Now What?

After a baby is adopted, a birth mother doesn’t just go home and pick up where she left off. Everything is different then. Nothing is “normal” anymore. The bed where you slept so comfortably is now the place where you spent your first few minutes of labor. The porch where you like to sit on summer days is now the place where you took all of your maternity pictures. All of your Facebook friends with babies seem like they’re rubbing your face in their motherhood. The sun streaming in through the kitchen windows doesn’t make you smile anymore. Everything feels…off....more
From an adoptive mom's perspective, this may be one of the most touching and inspiring things ...more

The Last "F-Word"

As you may have noticed, I get very nostalgic when you hit major milestones: your first laugh, your first words, your first steps, your first birthday, yoursecond birthday, your first big boy bed…the list goes on. ...more

Why I've Been Avoiding My Spiritual Community

For the past 10 years, I've been a part of a spiritual community that both nurtures and inspires me. I have been an active volunteer in this congregation. I have felt strong connections to the people there. I married my husband in the sanctuary. A few years ago when asked in a meditation workshop to close my eyes and think of a place where I belonged, it was the building where this congregation gathers that came into my mind.So why haven't I been there in several months? ...more
@j9nkidz Thanks for your comment. A couple of things were going on. 1) As I mentioned, I have ...more

A Letter to Our Child: You Were Not Our Second Choice

You were always part of our family plan. And as life has probably already taught you, life takes our “plans” and laughs at them. We are thrown challenges, changes, and so many curve-balls. Our well thought out plans become nothing but memories. Things that we believe to be true are not. Things that seem easy can become so very hard. Life is like that....more

Getting a Puppy for Christmas?

DON'T DO IT. Look away from the kitty too!...more

What It Feels Like to Become a Mother Before Becoming a Mom

Nine years ago today, I pushed my daughter into this world with one last mighty push. Nine years ago today, I became a mother. Nine years ago today, a brand new resident doctor stitched me up while my daughter's mom held her for the first time, my arms empty. The pain of the inexperienced stitching didn't compare to the burning hot pain in my heart as I lived through that first experience of almost but not quite, the life-long journey of birth motherhood....more
Wow, this is a very powerful blog. I haven't experienced it before and couldn't imagine it, but ...more