I’d been scheduled for a doctor’s appointment that was meant to address the ongoing pain and lack of mobility in my left hip. The persistent injury was at its worst in last January, preventing me from even walking normally, much less going out for a run. At the time, I substituted my running workouts entirely with low impact cardio and, when I was disciplined, some weight-training. As the pain began to subside, I hesitantly resumed running, limiting myself to once per week....more
“It’s not about the food”.But it is.It may not begin that way, but slowly it becomes a way to cope.Control.It’s about the control.No matter how much you try to deny it.Things change whether you want them to, or not.Peter Pan used to visit me I my dreams.Beckoning me to take the second star on the right.“And straight on till morning.”I dreamt of growing up.Until I saw through the fog.Then I knew, but now there was no going back.Neverland became a place inside me.One where I hid away....more
I struggle to recall how it all began, like unraveling fleeting clips on an old movie reel, none of which I can quite splice back together. Where, when, how, why? So many variables, all masked by the murky hands of time, making it nearly impossible for me to pinpoint. Maybe it started in 7th grade English class, that day I wore those brand new Levi’s to school and Mike Thomas hissed at me in front of the entire class, “I didn’t know they made 501’s that big!”...more
It’s hard to explain how my mind works on any given day. I once tried to explain how I thought about calories to my mom, and I don’t know if she understood, but I still think of a piggy bank when I ask myself why I am restricting. All right. So, imagine you are an anorexic. You know you really need to eat more, but for some reason unidentifiable to you, your brain enjoys making you think that every calorie that passes your lips could be the one that makes you pack on the pounds....more
With the new year having arrived, I am hearing a lot of chatter about contentment. Hannah Brencher is probably one of the first I was aware of. Hannah is amazing. She was depressed, and wrote love letters to strangers to help quell her homesickness. She puts together lovely bundles of letters for people who need them. And apparently, she is addicted to Target, like me. It seems like every year, things keep popping up that we humans need....more
You guys are too gullible, come on now, I’m not about to bash these poor girls.Some people don’t see the truth when they look in the mirror. They don’t see that they are wasting away. You have no idea how easy it is to convince yourself that you’re fat, ugly, old or anything else.It’s just as easy to convince yourself that you’re perfect and beautiful just the way you are.Pssst, trust the wrinkled, old looking one.http://skinnyandsingle.wordpress.com/...more
What you are about to read is a candid disclosure of my experience with Anorexia Nervosa. It's part memoir, part field guide, but pretty much all naked from an emotional perspective, so I ask respectfully for your gentleness in digesting these pieces of my heart....more
I started long after I knew better, past the age when my decisions could be chalked up to that invincible feeling that fades away as we get older.
Already a mother, I should have been setting a good example and following the very rules I was setting for my own child. I was embarrassed by my weakness.
Life was too much. Single parenting and autism and a whirlwind of experience I couldn’t seem to grasp left me feeling undeserving of the most basic necessities and looking for something I might actually be able to control.