Play Ball


written May 3, 2009 - five months after losing my son...more
Hello there, Heather! How thoughtful of you to include us and especially those going through ...more

A Peaceful Spirit

Austin's last status entry on Myspace was "I wonder what will happen tomorrow." He wrote this the night before he passed. I asked him that night what it meant and he said he just knew we had a busy weekend, preparing for the holidays. I didn't give it a second thought, until I lost him the next night....more

Spring Showers

I love spring... rainy nights, vibrant green grass, cool breezes, singing birds in budding trees. In fact, it's my favorite season now, although it didn't used to be. I find hope in spring....more

Tea Time

The sharp whistle from my tea kettle sends me such sweet memories.I grew up on tea. Of course, as a child it was iced, sweet tea. My mother makes the best sun tea and seeing an amber pitcher warming on a summer day reminds me of my childhood. My Grandma McGuffin also mastered the art of a perfect glass of sweet tea. She had a glass pitcher that only made two quarts at a time. I'm not sure why she never bought a larger container, as we'd drink tea at her house all day long....more

Faithful Friday: Remembering You

 "I thank my God every time I remember you" --Philippians 1:3I went to bed last night with this scripture on my heart.  Yesterday I found Noah with his treasure chest opened on his bed.  This chest is one he built with his dad, shortly after we lost Austin.  In it Noah placed memories of Austin, things he treasured about his big brother.  The chest came with a lock and key and we shared with him that it was his to...more
I have tears in my eyes as I am reading through your beautiful letters to your son in heaven. I ...more

What It's Really Like To Lose A Child

Have you ever tried to imagine what it's like to lose a child? I can't even count how many times people have told me "I can't even imagine". Of course you can't....why would you want to? I'll admit it and say that I tried to imagine it A LOT after my son, Carter, was born. When you have a medically fragile child, you have to go there. You know that someday it probably will happen and you feel absolutely terrible thinking about it, but you feel like you have to prepare yourself. The ugly truth is that it is NOTHING like what you would imagine. It's a lot worse. ...more
Thank you for posting this. I sincerely admire your strength and I'm sure Carter must have been ...more

The Butterflies Of Life...And Death

He smiled at me. My whole world felt complete when that tiny baby would give me that goofy grin. He had even started to giggle at times. Nothing in this world is better than listening to that little guy giggle. It told us that he was enjoying his life…and really, that’s all we ever really wanted. He had a lot of struggles, but the most important thing was that he enjoy his life. It was amazing to see him start to reach out for toys, and grab anything he could. He was fascinated with the way he could make those little hands work. He had started to actually play with his brother and sister....more

A Letter To My Son In Heaven

Dear Carter,I woke up today with that "not fair" cloud hanging over my head. I knew that this would be coming with your birthday so soon, so I was prepared for it. It doesn't make it any easier. Maybe it's because I decorated your grave for your 2nd birthday instead of decorating the house for your party. It just makes me feel like this really isn't fair.I just don't understand why you had to go so soon. And I know that I will never understand. It's hard to accept both of these things, but that's just the way it is....more

I would be feeling that dark cloud myself and my thoughts are with you as Carter's birthday ...more

Anger Is a Strange Monster

We were getting ready to leave. I don't remember where to. I went into my bedroom. I don't remember what for. I looked out my window and I remembered. We had had sausage for dinner that night. I had cut his in half but it still looked too wide so I cut it in half again. And the anger poured forth. ...more

We appreciate all the prayers, thank you.

Homeschooling mother of six, one of whom has ...more