Loneliness......

The essence of my life,The character of my being,The answer to my sadness. Loneliness is so unbearable,So much agony inside,It steals from me everything I cherish. This feeling is dominant,Its a laceration to my heart,The nightmare of my life. Loneliness has taken my personality,It has taken my ability to be me,Loneliness has stolen from me, myself. It is a feeling with me all the time,It grows more every day,It is ruining who I am,...more

Moving boxes....

This weekend we move our little family into a house that will become our home.  While filled with excitement the thought of moving everything is daunting, all those moving boxes that we pack all our belongings into.  However, it will be a fresh start from the last 12 months, which has seen me hospitalised a number of times, for months at a time, undertake ECT over two months, suffer retrograde amnesia spanning a year to three years, change of medications to find the right balance, undertaking counselling, and group therapy, and trying to move from being helpless to some level of f...more

Pain and Punishment.....

"When we cling to pain, we end up punishing ourselves". Leo BuscagliaEveryone suffers pain, and hurt at different stages in their lives.  It is just apart of life.  Some of us work through the pain, and get over it, but others, like me, relive those painful moments constantly, I relive the past way to often, and never seem to get past it....more

The trepidations move onto fears.......

The days and hours are counting down until I start my daily one hour train ride to my new job that is in an area I am passionate about.  My ability to do this job, skill wise is not my concern, because I know I have the skills, and experience to do this job well....more

The trepidations move onto fears.......

The days and hours are counting down until I start my daily one hour train ride to my new job that is in an area I am passionate about.  My ability to do this job, skill wise is not my concern, because I know I have the skills, and experience to do this job well....more

7 THINGS I TRY TO AVOID WHEN DEPRESSED

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My, My, My Has it Really Been That Long?

It seems that every time I wanted to blog, I just didn't.I made excuses.  I was usually too tired, didn't feel good,or just plain had no energy.Depression does that you know,makes you not want to do the thingsyou once loved.  I have been struggling daily with life.Stress is beginning to really take its toll on me.I have been just going through the motions every day.Depression wreaks havoc on your emotions, brings onnegativity, and robs you of joy. ...more

The family unit.....

You do not get to choose your parents or the family you are born into, unfortunately it just happens, with no decisions by you, or any choice of the people who will be around you for most of your life.  Some are born into luxury, some are born into poverty, some are born to be loved unconditionally, some are not shown what love is at all.....there are so many variants to where you grow up and with whom.  You cannot hope for the best, because you don’t know what is that is, you do not know until it is too late what a ‘real’ family should be, and how it would have been nice to get t...more
damn! .. My mom told me after visiting a therapist for the first time 25 yrs ago.. " So? now you ...more

There are no “Get Well” cards when you have depression......

One of the greatest things I have learnt since being sick with severe depression is that it is a lonely place to be.  For most, family and friends aren’t around as much as they use to be.  In fact, in some cases, like with me, they are never seen again.  This is the sad reality of mental illness, being deserted by those closest to you, with no explanation but what you suspect is because being around someone with severe depression feels unhealthy, it is too hard, and they don’t want to be around you....more