My Life As A Tree

Have you ever seen a kudzu vine? They’re all over the south, their bright green leaves waving gently in the hot, humid air. At first you’ll think that they’re kind of pretty, but once you realize that they’re capable of, you’ll never look at them the same way again....more
@bellejarblog Hahahaha. I shall think of him as a kraken slayer. ;-)more

What It's Like To Live Here

You feel like Miss Havisham, trailing around in your shredded, filthy wedding dress, pacing through the same rooms over and over, past the mouldering wedding cake and the long-dead flowers. And as much as you want to blame someone else, you know that you’ve only yourself to blame – not for the fact that he jilted you (although of course you wonder), but because you can’t seem to move past this one defining point in time. Your whole life will be the moment you realized that he was never coming....more

Is This A Crisis?

This morning I misunderstood something my friend Audra said, and ended up saying something that I shouldn’t have.She very gently pointed out what I’d done, and I apologized.Over. And over. And over.By the end, I wasn’t even apologizing for what I’d said; I was apologizing for annoying her, for always being wrong, and for just plain being myself. This, amid protestations from her that it was fine, that she wasn’t upset, that she hadn’t communicated clearly in the first place....more

Body-less Body

The body lies still before the panic.  The face get’s numb, the hand’s, the full metal jacket.  The attack is breathless.  Feeing like heart failure.  Leaving the body lost.  Bi Polar is like an animal clawing it’s self out it’s cage.  In summary, thing’s are more worse than you may realize.  Unable to breathe.  My lung’s are full of your guilt.  I’ve reached my limit.  I’m going to choke.  Detect my tears before they fall, for falling means failing, and failing is worse than dyeing....more

Happy New Year

Last night, Matt, Theo and I got all gussied up to ring in the new year – me in a sparkly dress and a crown of flowers, and the boys in their adorably dashing kilts. Early in the evening, we made our way east, crossing the Don River and heading to a friend’s place in Riverdale, where we spent the night sipping champagne and nibbling delicious hors d’oeuvres, as befits the status of classy people such as ourselves. We also sang, cuddled, debated about The Hobbit and witnessed an adorable toddler sleepover....more

Winter (or, Seasonal Affective Disorder, I hate you a lot)

I am not a winter person. Given my choice of the seasons, I’ll pick summer every time. I love the heat, and I even love the humidity. I like it when stepping out my front door feels like walking into an oven. I like the sun, the warmth, and the long evenings that are perfect for picnicking or taking your kid to the park or drinking sangria on patios with friends. I love lying in the grass and reading for hours on end. I love summer....more
@Katie Smith Oh thanks! I do take a lot of vitamin d - I read a study somewhere that in Canada, ...more


For the past two + years, things have been difficult. More than difficult. They say God only gives you what you can handle? Well, my hands are overflowing and I'm not sure how much more we can take. Is this a trial to see how we handle stress and difficult times?  We have three beautiful, amazing, intelligent, unique, generous, loving daughters. They're each their own person, with their own personalities, their own style, attitudes, etc. Our middle daughter has had a hard time lately....more

Silence Is Intimidating

Not speaking leaves you alone with your own thoughts.  You attempt to override them with television and the internet but the truth of the matter is that even as you watch the Law & Order: SVU marathon, you're thinking.  I left for a while to get away and be alone with my thoughts.  I needed to not be in a space where I was constantly worrying about fixing other peoples' problems and could work on re-energizing myself.  One thing I've learned is that the only way that will happen is if you TAKE it. ...more

Behind the Smile: Viral Video Shows Black Female Depression and Friendship

Until a couple of weeks ago, no one knew who Amber Mondane was. On December 6, Amber and her best friend, Nash, made a four minute video that as of this writing has been shared over 56,000 times on Facebook. Amber and Nash silently narrated their story -- one that resonated not only with young black women, but with anyone who has either been touched with depression themselves or knows somebody who has struggled with it in the past. ...more
Thank you for writing this article.  It was beautifully written. I have a 12 year old daughter ...more

In The Christmas Still

   It's 5am, and I'm up writing a blog. For reasons I can't explain, I couldn't sleep this morning. ...more
Merry Christmas to you and yours.more