The trepidations move onto fears.......

The days and hours are counting down until I start my daily one hour train ride to my new job that is in an area I am passionate about.  My ability to do this job, skill wise is not my concern, because I know I have the skills, and experience to do this job well....more

7 THINGS I TRY TO AVOID WHEN DEPRESSED

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My, My, My Has it Really Been That Long?

It seems that every time I wanted to blog, I just didn't.I made excuses.  I was usually too tired, didn't feel good,or just plain had no energy.Depression does that you know,makes you not want to do the thingsyou once loved.  I have been struggling daily with life.Stress is beginning to really take its toll on me.I have been just going through the motions every day.Depression wreaks havoc on your emotions, brings onnegativity, and robs you of joy. ...more

The family unit.....

You do not get to choose your parents or the family you are born into, unfortunately it just happens, with no decisions by you, or any choice of the people who will be around you for most of your life.  Some are born into luxury, some are born into poverty, some are born to be loved unconditionally, some are not shown what love is at all.....there are so many variants to where you grow up and with whom.  You cannot hope for the best, because you don’t know what is that is, you do not know until it is too late what a ‘real’ family should be, and how it would have been nice to get t...more
damn! .. My mom told me after visiting a therapist for the first time 25 yrs ago.. " So? now you ...more

There are no “Get Well” cards when you have depression......

One of the greatest things I have learnt since being sick with severe depression is that it is a lonely place to be.  For most, family and friends aren’t around as much as they use to be.  In fact, in some cases, like with me, they are never seen again.  This is the sad reality of mental illness, being deserted by those closest to you, with no explanation but what you suspect is because being around someone with severe depression feels unhealthy, it is too hard, and they don’t want to be around you....more

My heart.....

My heart,Represents a waterfall,That holds all my feelings,The water which falls,Little droplets which fall,Crashing to the bottom,So do my tears,Tears which show,Fears from my heart,The difference,The water flows on after it’s decent,But what is broken in my heart, stays,The droplets float away,Away to a different peaceful place,Feelings in my heart,Fears that cannot escape,Tears showing my feelings,Built up inside,Never let go,...more

Her Evil Place......

In a place,Faraway,Lives a girl,Locked away,Her heart and mind,Broken and battered,Fading away,In a dark evil place. Nobody she can turn too,Except the problems in her life,All forgotten,In her place of evil hindrance,Of forgotten memories,Everything filled with sadness. Left by friends,Forgotten by family,Nobody cares,A life of endless nightmares,All about betrayal,Filled with hatred, and heartache,A soul filled with sorrow....more

Locked Away.....

So small and sensitive,A place of my own,A key to a cage,Storing my heart,Protecting me from pain,Locked away in a faraway place. Nobody to help,To reach this place,I have a key,But there’s nobody there,To open my heart,To see my feelings. The place is at the end,Of a long and dreary path,Hard and bumpy,To my faraway place,Everyone hurts me,And the place becomes much further,Forever locked away. ...more

The battle within myself.....

For a couple of months now I have felt like I may be on top of things, that I have finally started down that road to recovery from severe depression.  But deep down there is always the doubt in the back of my mind that maybe I am just manic, being unrealistic, thinking that what is happening is all but a dream that will never come true.  When do I reach a point, a level of wellness that I can actually know that I am ok, that the Black Dog has, this time, actually gone for a walk!...more