I’ve conducted varying degrees of spring cleaning on friendships over the years. As I’ve gotten older, the less time I have for shitty friends. Women friendships seem to undergo transformations with the catalyst of motherhood. Instead of supporting one another, we turn into judgmental know-it-alls who are desperately insecure.
They say that the first step is admitting you have a problem. So, I have a problem. I’ve tried to stop on my own but this thing is bigger than I am—I can stop, I just can’t stay stopped. Every time I do it, I wake up the next morning remorseful and I swear that I’ll never do it again. But then I do....more
I grew up surrounded by boys - 2 brothers and all male cousins were my closest neighbours, and had awkward relationships with girls all through school, so I never really felt all that comfortable cultivating satisfying female friendships. As time would have it, I have gotten pretty good at making friends, holding my own on my side of the relationship. Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at how lucky I am to have TWO very close, very awesome girlfriends. ...more
In a particularly indulgent moment of self-absorption last week, I was lamenting not having a sister. I wasn’t wishing for a sister instead of my own blood brother of course; he is a light of my life. I was simply wishing for what, I can only imagine, it might be like to have one. I have always envisioned a certain blissful, biological, built-from-birth bond that - no matter the closeness factor - must feel safe. Solid. Formidable, even....more
We met in college and became friends but not the best of friends. Years later we reconnected over the loss of an infant. A condolence call was placed and so began a dialogue that has continued for twenty-six years, through landlines, portable phones with telescoping antennae, nascent car phones and BlackBerrys to our current smart phones.
No one chooses to enter this annihilating club; but somehow we’re all shoved in, unwillingly into this abysmal group which is bursting at the seams. Cancer doesn’t discriminate. It’s just as likely to strike Steve Jobs as ordinary Steve at your job....more
I was recently given some “constructive criticism”. This isn’t new or unheard of so when the conversation took this turn I wasn’t surprised. In this instance the criticism was about my dating life…big deal. So much has been said about dating and so many people have ides so let’s just hear it, this one more piece of advice, and we’ll move on. The pitch was winding up and it was a hard hit, specific to this person’s assumption of me. At first it flew by me and I thought this person cares enough to share....more
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