Despite being a predictable yearly event, Father’s Day tends to sneak up on me every June. As I study the calendar, there’s usually a resounding, “Oh.. that’s THIS WEEK??”, followed by a flurry of preparations to celebrate my husband.I’m happy to put in this effort, but in the midst of the gift selection and the search for the perfect card, there is always a moment. A twinge. A pang. It’s brief, but it’s a soft shadow that dissipates slowly....more
"Grief, when it comes, is nothing we expect it to be," writes Joan Didion in her deeply felt memoir The Year of Magical Thinking. Her book chronicles the aftermath of her husband’s unexpected death, and in it she also writes of the passing of her parents. "I understood the inevitability of their deaths," she explains. "I had been expecting (fearing, dreading, anticipating) those deaths all my life."
I awoke to swollen eyes. Lids so tight. Like a pressure cooker on high. Blinking took less effort. Eyes were barely open. Sinuses full with equal pressure. My heart feeling as heavy as anvil. I miss him.That was a lot of tears. The sad heavy kind. The kind that flow with no control, a deep ache within. Arms extended to receive a hug that isn’t there....more
I drove through McDonald’s today and I got a cheeseburger and fries. As I bit into a French fry, I had a flashback to childhood…a powerful sense memory of sitting in a McDonald’s in Norman, Oklahoma with my father. It was a scene repeated again and again and again throughout my youth. I’m sure many of you share a similar experience. However, few of you have parents as connected to McDonald’s as my father....more
Grief.It’s fear and pain and disbelief and rage and what feels like never-ending sadness, all rolled up into one big mess of dark and ugly feelings.Grief takes hold of you and you can’t muster the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. Multiple times throughout the day your eyes well up with tears. You consider running for the hills but you force yourself to stay rooted in your seat. As you make the drive home, the salty water finally, finally falls unchecked from your eyes and down your cheeks....more
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