Thanking God for Death

Welp, it’s that time of year. Thanksgiving. Believe it or not, there are people who actually focus on what they’re thankful for, more than what’s on the menu  As I’ve grown older, and experienced the good, bad, and ugly of life, I have learned, and I’m STILL learning how to be thankful for EVERYTHING. Even death....more

Too Big For a Blog

This is the first blog post that I ever completely deleted.I started out wanting to write about my last day in Korea. 660 words in, and I couldn’t tease out anything good. I talked about everything but Korea. The Simpsons, Aziz Ansari, memories, and pregnancy days. I think Kanye West even worked in a mention in those 660 words. But they were sprawling and unwieldy. My mind was caving in on itself. I kept telling myself to get on with it. What’s the point? Get to it!, I told myself.There was an elephant in the room....more

Helping Others Through Grief

 Father’s Day is such a difficult time for me…even still.My Dad died July 20th 2003 and sometimes, it’s still so very painful.  Even though we had 5 months to prepare for his death and we knew he was/is much better off, being without him was far more painful than anything I had ever experienced....more

My Heart Is Breaking...Why Do So Many Men Choose Suicide?

I have just come home from a funeral. It was for a friend, he was only fifty years old. He committed suicide. He left behind a son in his early twenties, a brother, cousins, nephews and a chapel filled to capacity of friends. He was a musician and had a musical career that spanned over three decades. He was such a fun, talented, kind and lovable guy but he left this world not thinking that way about himself. He didn't ask for help or talk to anyone about the demons he was fighting. For whatever reason, he thought we would all be better off with out him. ...more

The Lifespan of Grief

I don't know if raw grief has an endpoint. But surely there must come a time when you can think of a loved one without a lump in your throat? ...more
erinific Thank you so much for your comment and your kind words. (I would have replied earlier ...more

Body Wisdom

Today's writing prompt is:  "Something my body (or someone else's) has taught me."  Dena Hobbs, yoga instructor and author of "Lighten the Darkness:  An Advent Journey Through Hope" thought this one up and I'm glad she did!...more

This shouldn't be happening..

Something has gone wrong.  Horribly wrong.  I should be looking at baby things. Soft, beautiful baby things.  Things with puppies and monkeys in pretty colors in soft fabrics that feel fuzzy and warm. Except I'm not. I'm looking at urns.  A fucking urn.  For a baby. MY baby.  Cold and hard things in metal and wood and marble.  This isn't right. This isn't fair. I hardly even had a chance to do those things. ...more
There are no words. In fact, there will be times when, although you know deep down people mean ...more

The Trouble with Pudding

I try to look away from the cheerful orange, yellow, and tan plastic containers so innocently perched in the dairy section. Averting my gaze as if from a wound, I escape nothing. Olivia’s love for rice pudding slows my pace, as if my parenting autopilot still runs me. Since she left, her favorite dessert is a food I cannot eat. I aim my cart toward the yogurt section as if about to make an important decision. Through tears, my vision sharpens. Here I go again. Not now, damn it. Not here. I laugh out loud—an abrupt exhale....more
*sniff*more

Bereavement

In November, I brought our old girl dog to our veterinarian. She had began losing weight and developed a bad cough. I worried she might have pneumonia....more

This Broken Heart

I’ve been told that we’re supposed to grow from pain. Learn from the past, forgive, grow stronger, gain wisdom and character. Take to our faith in troubled times, and embrace it.There’s truth in those beliefs. We’re always growing, moving, and changing. Even when we dig in our heels, and hide under the covers. Because you can’t stop life, even when you’re broken, even when your caught in bliss....more