Grieving 101: tips from the inside

As I grieve the loss of my dad this week, I just wanted to pen some things while they are still fresh. These are practical things about the grieving process that just don’t get talked about much. It’s helping me to write them down…I hope it may help someone else who may be there too:– emotions and tears well up at the oddest of times. Go with it and don’t apologize…feel what you feel.– there is this weird convergence of grieving and having to do regular life. It is what it is....more

Grief and Gratitude

Grief and GratitudeThe light here begins to change in September. It softens a bit, reflecting off the leaves. The fauna seems to let out a collective sigh of relief from the harsh Texas summer. And yet, for me, it now comes with a heaviness that wasn’t there eleven years ago. A mixture of grief and gratitude....more

Dear Kindergarten Teacher

I am sorry to report that my son will be absent on the first day of school this year.You may not realize it, but his name is glaringly absent from your current roster.I walked by your classroom door just the other day and took note that his name wasn't carefully written inside a bright red apple taped around your window.He will never sit at a desk or hang his backpack on a hook.On that first day of school, which is coming upon me so quickly, I won't be walking him to the bus stop and crying tears as he drives away....more

Grieving on Planes

I seem to do much grieving on planes....more

Struggling with the Guilt that I Didn't Know Would Come with a Miscarriage

Struggling With the Guilt That I Didn’t Know Would Come With A Miscarriage...more

Got Me Feeling Some Kinda Way...

Childbirth is ironic, isn't it? A mother carries life for 9-months, the effects on her body are astounding, the pain of delivery is excruciating. Yet, when a mother loses her child, the pain felt during birth is eclipsed by the unfathomable pain of her child's life being taken away.February 26, 2012, Trayvon Martin was killed.  He was a 17-year-old African-American boy who was fatally shot by a neighborhood watch volunteer in Florida.  My first born son had just turned 6-months old....more

Marking a Year After Losing My Child

It's June already. Soon enough, I'll be marking the one year anniversary of the day he got sick. The day we went to the ER. The day he was transferred to ICU. The day he coded. The day we learned he would never come home with us again. The day we left the hospital without our boy....more

Adoption: How it Feels When You're Not Chosen

Today has been marked on my calendar for weeks. A simple star in the corner, nothing you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it, but something I’ve stared at for days, something that represents a lot of nervous stomachs and sleepless nights and days spent dreaming of the future. Today was the day we found out if we were selected to adopt a little boy we’d been matched with. And today, just hours ago, we found out that another family was chosen instead. ...more
What a beautiful and sad post.  My husband and I are adoptive parents who weren't chosen for a ...more

Losing Gus: 8 Years Later

Eight years ago today, I painfully pushed my baby boy, Gus, into the world.I’ll never forget the strange rush of my water breaking while laying in my...more

My tree of life lost another leaf

People die.  I know, duh.Yesterday, my tree of life lost another leaf. I learned that yet another one of my friends is no longer of this life.  Death was just a fleeting concept to me for the longest time. Until 1990, the only people who had died in my life were family members I loved but didn't really get to know because I was so young....more