Life Continues

and I wish I could put it on hold. I know that's not possible but that's how I feel. I'm kind of on autopilot right now. I'm trying to catch up with my classes, continue with the sale of the house, and deal with all of the tedious estate things that go along with death. I really can not grieve the way that I need to because I have to stay focused on my classes. If I let go now, I don't know if I'll be able to get back up....more

When You Tell Yourself You Are Ok And Realize You Are Not

When you are 5, and your world falls apart, your heart learns to protect itself. When your only sense of security shatters, you learn to calm the panic rising into your throat. When the hurt in the frailest parts of your soul scream in agony, you force it to stay inside. You tell yourself it doesn’t matter anyway. You are fine. You are strong. You can manage....more

An Anniversary Letter To You

Today shouldn’t be a day of grief. It should be a day of celebrating the strongest love I have encountered. On this day of which I wont say how many years ago! (your welcome) Two of the most influential people in my life were joined together with the simplest of words “I DO." My beautiful grandmother who has taught me compassion, trust, and to love blindly and my amazing grandfather who has taught me humility, respect, and that us females are always right! ...more

My Husband's Suicide

(Piece originally written in 2004; updated in 2006 &  2014. Since I am new to this whole “blogging” thing, I wanted to give my new readers some more background as to who I am, where I have been, and where I am going.  It’s been a journey.  As it continues, I hope you enjoy taking it with me at www.mamalawmadingdong.com.)...more

Sharing My Story - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

I have two babies that died.I don't really talk about it and I don't think I've ever written about it before. Not because I'm ashamed, but because what happened seems so intensely private to me.I have come to realize though, that I have found healing in hearing the stories of others and realizing that I'm not alone. It is my hope that my story will help someone else....more

A Miscarriage: A Soul Acknowledged then Released

I have always considered myself blessed with ten pregnancies which resulted in nine healthy babies and only one miscarriage. I thought that I knew how to handle a miscarriage, emotionally and spiritually. I thought I had done everything right by this little one who died before birth.I was mistaken....more

10 Ways To Help Your Children Remember A Loved One Who Has Passed Away

Memory is a living, breathing thing and it's death presents the moment we stop remembering.  There's something of the immortal in it - something eternal that follows us as long as we let it - a fingerprint, left behind by the one who left us behind. ...more

Relationships and Unwanted Guests

My Mother Was Diagnosed With Cancer, and It Changed My Life Forever

It's still so surreal. It feels like just yesterday that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was so quick, so aggressive, so painful, so hard to watch. I have never experienced anything like it, and I hope to never have to again. ...more
I'm so sorry for your loss. This story brings back so many of my own memories - this ...more

The birth of advocacy

It happened again.I got a dreaded phone call from a girlfriend who lost her full term baby, abruptly, unexpectedly- in the dangerous passage from warm comfortable uterus to the sharp, cold air of the birth room. As always, I cried. I cursed the world. I stopped breathing for a minute, the pain impenetrable, then exhaled, anguished. My heart races and I hold my hand over my mouth, "No, no." The unthinkable has happened....more