My Day in Comics, or My Comical Day.

I woke up covered in cats. Normally I wouldn't mind this, and late autumn is a pretty good time to awaken to extra warmth on your extremities, especially when it vibrates. But not today. Because? That little grey cat, Daenerys Stormborn: Kitten of Dragons (DeNayNay, for short), has maggots slithering out of her puckered little ass hole....more

I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas...

I am very aware that as a mother I should not ask Santa for anything outside of a healthy happy family. And for the record, I do ask for that every year. I pray that we all have a fantastic year and all our dreams come true and we see the end of homelessness and a cure for Cancer and no more animal cruelty and please let the farmers have a good year of crops and fingers crossed, the Browns win the Superbowl....more

Nothing is Certain Except Death & Taxes, and Well - These Things.

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.-Benjamin Franklin  ...more

Damn you, December

I don’t want to come across as a misery, or lacking in Christmas cheer. I like a mince pie and a sweet sherry as much as the next person, but I have a question…Where the fuck did 2015 go?Once again, I find myself standing in my kitchen, hands on hips, staring in indignation at the calendar, thinking ‘Really? Is that it 2015? Is that all you’ve got for me, you fast-moving bastard.’ ...more

Visions of Vinicultural Grandeur – an excerpt of Mouthfeel: Confessions of a Wine Slut

An excerpt of Chapter 1 of the unpublished memoir, Mouthfeel: Confessions of a Wine Slut by Mari Kane.We laughed at our own pretentiousness even though we were indeed on a mission, as students of Wine Marketing 101, to observe patterns of consumption and purchasing at one of Sonoma County’s oldest wineries. But we could barely hear each other in the swirling vortex of descriptors and hokum in which we stood, where everybody around us was a critic...more

How to Write a Hallmark Holiday Movie in 5 Easy Steps

I adore Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. I adore Christmas. Let's just say, I could be a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie. In fact, if I were an actor, all I would do is Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. Image via Hallmark Channel ...more
Ha ha, that is so true!more

19 steps to a perfectly decorated Christmas tree

This morning I asked my Facebook friends to guess how many feature length films it would take me to decorate my 9-foot pre-light perennially perfect Christmas tree. The guesses ranged between 3.5 and 4, which came pretty close. It appears I’m known for laborious efforts in the Christmas department. You, too, can decorate a tree like me. Just follow these steps:...more

I'm Afraid to Open the Door.

I've been rabidly cleaning the house like a mofo, tidying up, and I'm living in fear. As I clean and purge my things to make space (for Christmas and, well, just to have space), I'm continually needing to take loads of discarded things out to the garage to add to the boxes to donate to charity. However? I can't open the door....more
lololmore

Best Book Gifts for Moms With a Bent Sense of Humor.

Fair Warning: This post is almost completely affiliate links. Not that anyone cares, but the feds say you have to announce that stuff, right? So there it is....more
marciasflawless , I was reading my husband excerpts from "Go the F**k to Sleep", and we were ...more

Butt-Dialing

My brother butt dialed me today. I picked up the phone, "Hello?"There was no reply."Helloooo? Bro? You there?"No reply."Hellooooooooo? Did you butt-dial me??"Like he was going to answer that question."HELLO??? Brother?? YOU THERE?? I hear weird sounds! I hope it's a butt-dial..."I hung up. "Vin! My brother just butt-dialed me, and I heard weird sounds...""Huh? Like what? Is he okay?""It sounded like he was mashing something? Or whipping somethi... OH! Oh, gross!", I recoiled in horror....more
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