Yesterday, at a local bagel shop, I sat across from a table of 3 people - a mother (a neighbor I recognized), and her two kids, ages 4 and 5. The mom comes back to the table with bagels and cream cheese. Before digging into his bagel, he stops and puts his hands into prayer mode and says:...more
I have heard phrases like "size doesn't matter", "quality not quantity", "it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean", etc., etc. However...I'm here to tell you, size matters! In all things, size matters. If you're hungry, do you want a little Crystal burger, or do you want a Whopper? If it's cold, do you want a thin jacket or a thick down jacket? Same goes for body types. I am 5'7". Not a small woman. My normal weight (yes, guys, I'm actually going to tell it) is between 145 and 150. When I...more
Dear Mouthy Housewives,Ever since my son was a toddler, my husband and I have worked hard to teach him good table manners. He was doing really well and we were proud of him, but then he started Kindergarten and picked up bad habits from the other kids. The other night we were in a restaurant and he actually stabbed a dinner roll with his fork and blew bubbles with his straw! He says that's how all of his friends do it and won't listen to us. How can I get back my well-mannered boy?...more
Melissa takes us through the story of her radioactive iodine treatment to do away with her thyroid cancer once and for all, proving beyond the shadow of a down that humor is one of the best treatments of them all.
To keep things light, I don’t write about my serious homicide and sex crimes cases where I tend to shine. Instead, you get to hear about my missteps. In order to keep this job, I must be a little smarter than I sometimes appear. I swear.My partner Jim has been gone for several weeks and he took his drug dog Astro with him. I miss them both and blame Jim for the following events....more
Today was a day that you'd like to pretend never happened. Just when you thought you were done with it, that you'd never ever have to see it again, it pops up in your life like an ex boyfriend or an audit. You're doing fine and then boom, out of nowhere, it's there right there front and center and you just can't avoid it.Today was that day for me....more
Last year, on the twenty-fifth of August, my cousin Francine swished into my house with her Christmas shopping list. The back-to-school stuff had not yet been slashed. The Halloween goodies weren’t even on the shelves, yet there she stood, her credit card aimed and ready to swipe. She informed me that time was a- wasting. It was time to go holiday shopping. “Do you want to go in on the gifts this year or do you want to go by yourself?” she asked. “You know how you get at this time of year.”...more