Anxiety can be brutal. From now on, I'm going to refer to anxiety as "the anxiety monster" because when I'm having a high-anxiety day, it feels like I'm being tormented by that pesky monster that hides in the closet when you're a kid. (Weird analogy? Perhaps. But we're going to roll with it.)
I've discussed my own battle on my blog, and I'm planning on writing a follow up post to that in the coming days, but for now I wanted to focus on different methods I use to help calm my ever-present anxiety and keep the anxiety monster at bay.
Nothing prepared me for this.This is not the life my upbringing prepared me for. I don’t just mean the special guest speakers we had in home economics class who tried to introduce us to the subtleties of silver, china, and stemware. No, I was also misled by the books I read....more
I've fallen and I can't get up. Again.
Depression is a beast, and frankly, sometimes we just don't feel like dragon-slaying to get through the morning, let alone an entire day. I'm not talking about lighter days where we just need an extra hour of sleep because the kids kept us up, or when ruminating over that nasty stapler stealing boss at work begins affecting our relationships at home.
I'm talking about the days we'd rather stay in bed with the covers pulled up over our head and even the meds or extra chocolate stopped working. I'm talking about when the sense of hopelessness begins to cement, and even prayers to God seem to be wait-listed.
In the past week I have been out of the house more and seen more people than I have in years. It’s almost like having a social life.In the past week I have also slept more than I usually do in my sloth-like, torpid existence.I think the two are not unrelated.If you follow Spoon Theory (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/) you know that each spoon represents an amount of coping that you can do....more
Tonight John and I tried to see Black Mass. He had free movie passes, so we couldn’t do the whole online ticketing thing; we drove to Woburn to find out they were completely sold out. (Duh. Every Bostonian who was separated by at the most three degrees from Whitey was all over that movie this weekend). However, the drive wasn’t fruitless: upon pulling into the cinema parking lot, I burst into tears and finally figured out why it’s been really goddamn hard gaining weight back since the wedding....more
I have been seeing Dr. R. for eight years. He helped me through my major meltdown and skillfully, gradually mixed the cocktail of medications that would get me and keep me functioning at an acceptable, livable level. He got me through my near-brush with ECT.Dr. R. is moving to another state. He sent all his clients a letter listing half a dozen or so local psychiatrists he could recommend, though he didn't know if they were accepting new patients or what insurance plans they took. This week was my last appointment with him....more
I was grocery shopping and when I came to the cereal aisle, I found myself light-headed and breathing raggedly.My husband dropped a knife in the kitchen; I jumped and all my muscles tightened up.We were driving down the highway, when suddenly I flung my arms out to the side and gasped loudly.In none of these cases was anything actually wrong. (Although the incident in the car nearly caused an accident when my husband turned and yelled, "What? What?")...more
There has recently been a huge kerfuffle in the science fiction community regarding the Hugo Awards. You don't really need to know much about it and probably don't want to. Suffice it to say that two groups had it out over the past and future direction of science fiction and fantasy, and the meaning of the asterisk.The awards have now been given, but still the blogosphere is full of recriminations, sour grapes, and schadenfreude....more