I read this same article every once in a while. Every single time I recognize myself. Every single time I feel the pain and the shame all over again. Every single time the anger comes in and I am grateful for that because it makes me strong. Sometimes the anger is the only source of strength I can tap into....more
I took the Zoloft for the first time a couple minutes ago because I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to actually want to hold my baby.I remember being unable to put him down, now I don't even want to look at him. How can you be angry at a 4 week old? It isn't his fault that he can't stop crying. Or that he kicks my incision and flails at my sore nipples. Or that he doesn't like to sleep at night. ...more
I have been dealing with some form of depression and anxiety for most of my life. I am 37 years old and I honestly can barely remember a time when this was not part of me. Part of my every day. Part of who I am. Over the years I have tried a lot of methods of self help and professional help to get through the vast fields of dead flowers in my mind to try and find the sunshine and soft new blooms that I know are there. Some things work, some don't, but I had found a way to mostly manage my every day despite some slips backwards here and there....more
I'm sorry. I know those two words seem so small, and they are. They are nothing more than nine simple, basic characters, but I don't know where else to start so I'm sorry; I'm so sorry.
There are things I'm not sorry for, things I can't be sorry for. I'm not sorry for my illness. It is something beyond my control. It is a physical disorder as much as it is a mental one. But I am sorry for the years I've wasted feeling sorry for myself. I am sorry for the years I have tried to hide it, to keep it a secret.
an interview with Aileen McElhaneyAileen is one of the mamas I have had the pleasure of helping breastfeed over the years. Her little boy Rory was a tiny little firecracker from the day he arrived, with a full head of downy soft, bleach blonde duck-feather for hair that stuck straight up off his head. Not only did I see Aileen for a number of private consultations, but she also came to support group. A lot. At one group, I remember her sharing that she had been diagnosed with Postpartum Depression....more
People are still in the post-holiday doldrums, that time of year where they're too broke to do anything cool, it's too fricken cold out to do anything fun (that you would tell people about, yes I know about the mattress mambo, thank you very much), and they're tired of vacuuming up pine needles (how the hell did they get under the couch cushions?)....more
A few months ago, I was quietly added to a secret group online with a singular mission: come up with a way to celebrate the 10th anniversary of Katherine Stone’s life saving website, Postpartum Progress. Created by A'Driane Nieves, a mental health blogger (and 2014 VOTY reader), the group quickly grew to over 125 people.
I breastfed my first child for twenty months. I said that I was only going to do it for six months, but he was still little at six months, so a year seemed more appropriate. A year came and went and he was still, well, little. I wasn't planning on becoming an extended breastfeeder, those odd women nursing kids old enough to ask for milk, but when it was my son making the baby sign for milk (he was on the late side of talking) it didn't seem weird anymore. ...more
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