I have depression

And I fucking hate it. I try to ignore it and there are long periods of time that I can do just that.  I can pass it off as something it isn't.  I'm tired, but I can't sleep, or I'm crabby, or I don't feel like doing anything.  That translates into my brain that I am lazy, I am a bitch, and I am an awful person who isn't any fun. The truth is, I am some of those things sometimes. I am finding it harder and harder to be nice to the people who are closest to me. ...more

Jesus

Nothing bugs me more than people trying to convert me to Jesus. Well...it's not THAT dramatic. I don't want to offend anyone. I'm GLAD you have Jesus, if you do. I'm GLAD you believe and have faith and it is everything to you. I'm GLAD that you have found what you needed through Jesus Christ. I mean this in the most serious way, without an ounce of sarcasm. If it fills up your life and makes you a better human, than I am grateful you have it. ...more

Cross Post: Sort of a Book Review/More Personal Experience - Perfect Daughters

I came across this book called, Perfect Daughters: Adult Daughters of Alcoholics about a year and a half ago…towards the beginning of my recovery. It’s a book that has been around for awhile and is written by Dr. Robert J. Ackerman. I thought the subject as well as the title was fascinating. The author explores the Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACA) phenomenon from the female perspective…or the perspective of being an adult daughter. In my own experience, one of the aspects of being an “adult daughter” is this need to be perfect while simultaneously feeling inadequate....more
I don't know if you are blogging anymore, but I just published a book about healing from abuse ...more

Week one of our separation

Last week was one hell of a week. I have had my extreme ups and downs. I have gone through the panic of "am I making a mistake" to "oh my god I'm not making a mistake, but this sucks." Then there was the massacre in Connecticut, and my heart turned to lead. I did my best last week to not text Bob. I usually start out my days feeling strong and on top of things. I tell myself that I won't text him or respond to his texts. But as the days go on, I get lonely, angry and I can talk myself into saying just "one" thing to him....more

Since you've been gone

My kids have been poorly trained to help around this house. I have written this before.  They don't do much. This has been, for the most part, my own fault for not training them. My mom never made me do anything around the house. And I mean nothing. She made my bed, dusted, vacuumed, brought me a snack while I watched TV, everything. ...more

In sickness and in health

I've been married for 20-1/2 years to Bob. It has been wonderful. It has been horrible. And it is over.Bob has left the building. He's moved out. He's gone.We have been through a lot together. Over half my life. He has been my family. We were in love for so much of it. But it's different now. He isn't capable of it, and I'm not capable to be without it. Plus, I get so mean and disappointed with him, it isn't fair. He is a good man, and he deserves better. I am a good woman, and I deserve the same. We have grown up together, but we have not grown together. We grew apart....more

Thank you all

I want to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who have said a kind, supporting word to me when I wavered about being completely honest.   To those who have sent messages, emails, called, helped me.  Those that have listened me talk about this stuff over and over.  Who watched me question myself and my motives.  The kind comments on this blog, the connections on Twitter and Facebook.  Thank you.  To my sponsor, my dear friends, my dad and my sister, thank you. ...more

Now she gets it

So here I sit inthe observation car with my daughter.  She is reading a book on her iPhone (awesome).  I believe she is reading Go Ask Alice.  Just like I think I did at her age.  ...more

I'm going back to Cali...I don't think so. Ricki Lake

So remember when I was telling you that I might go to Los Angeles to be on a TV show?  Yeah, well, I am not going now. I was approached (through Twitter, with every other Tom, Dick and Harry) to be on Ricki Lake's new show.  They are (were?) planning on doing a show about "Addicted Housewives." They had run across the ABC stuff, this blog, and thought I looked like a pretty good addicted housewife. They even left a message on Bob's uncle's phone (we don't have a land line.) So of course, ego inflation 101. ...more
UPDATE!!!!!   I just heard from Ricki Lake's producer and they are going to pay my train so I AM ...more

Dear Dr. Romance: I Believe He's a Good Man at Heart

Dear Dr. Romance:My husband left to be with a much younger women. The problem became obvious in our marriage three years ago. I thought It would be something we would surpass....more