Checking In

I know that I haven’t written here in a while (SIX WHOLE DAYS, LIKE, YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT I’D QUIT BLOGGING OR SOMETHING), and I just wanted to check in and let you guys know that I’m doing all right.More than all right, actually. I feel better. Frighteningly, miraculously, tentatively better. It’s so new and so strange that I’m a bit hesitant to write about it yet or even say it out loud – like I could jinx it or something. But I also want you to not worry about me, so I thought I should tell you: I feel better....more
I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. I just breathed a sigh of relief relishing in your ...more

Reclaiming My Sense of Humor in the Wake of Abuse

Over the last few years, I have slowly get had to reclaim aspects of myself that were lost or beaten into submission figuratively and sometimes literally by my past relationships that were fraught with abuse and violence. One of the first things was my sexuality, which was reclaimed in a most unhealthy way. It has been a long list after that filled with things both small and large. I am able to wear what I want, eat what I want, have an argument if I want, and control my own time. But, it occurred to me yesterday that there was one thing I had never thought about. ...more
As a fellow survivor of abuse, and also someone learning how to be myself again, thank you for ...more

I have depression

And I fucking hate it. I try to ignore it and there are long periods of time that I can do just that.  I can pass it off as something it isn't.  I'm tired, but I can't sleep, or I'm crabby, or I don't feel like doing anything.  That translates into my brain that I am lazy, I am a bitch, and I am an awful person who isn't any fun. The truth is, I am some of those things sometimes. I am finding it harder and harder to be nice to the people who are closest to me. ...more


Nothing bugs me more than people trying to convert me to Jesus.'s not THAT dramatic. I don't want to offend anyone. I'm GLAD you have Jesus, if you do. I'm GLAD you believe and have faith and it is everything to you. I'm GLAD that you have found what you needed through Jesus Christ. I mean this in the most serious way, without an ounce of sarcasm. If it fills up your life and makes you a better human, than I am grateful you have it. ...more

Cross Post: Sort of a Book Review/More Personal Experience - Perfect Daughters

I came across this book called, Perfect Daughters: Adult Daughters of Alcoholics about a year and a half ago…towards the beginning of my recovery. It’s a book that has been around for awhile and is written by Dr. Robert J. Ackerman. I thought the subject as well as the title was fascinating. The author explores the Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACA) phenomenon from the female perspective…or the perspective of being an adult daughter. In my own experience, one of the aspects of being an “adult daughter” is this need to be perfect while simultaneously feeling inadequate....more
I don't know if you are blogging anymore, but I just published a book about healing from abuse ...more

Week one of our separation

Last week was one hell of a week. I have had my extreme ups and downs. I have gone through the panic of "am I making a mistake" to "oh my god I'm not making a mistake, but this sucks." Then there was the massacre in Connecticut, and my heart turned to lead. I did my best last week to not text Bob. I usually start out my days feeling strong and on top of things. I tell myself that I won't text him or respond to his texts. But as the days go on, I get lonely, angry and I can talk myself into saying just "one" thing to him....more

Since you've been gone

My kids have been poorly trained to help around this house. I have written this before.  They don't do much. This has been, for the most part, my own fault for not training them. My mom never made me do anything around the house. And I mean nothing. She made my bed, dusted, vacuumed, brought me a snack while I watched TV, everything. ...more

In sickness and in health

I've been married for 20-1/2 years to Bob. It has been wonderful. It has been horrible. And it is over.Bob has left the building. He's moved out. He's gone.We have been through a lot together. Over half my life. He has been my family. We were in love for so much of it. But it's different now. He isn't capable of it, and I'm not capable to be without it. Plus, I get so mean and disappointed with him, it isn't fair. He is a good man, and he deserves better. I am a good woman, and I deserve the same. We have grown up together, but we have not grown together. We grew apart....more

Thank you all

I want to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who have said a kind, supporting word to me when I wavered about being completely honest.   To those who have sent messages, emails, called, helped me.  Those that have listened me talk about this stuff over and over.  Who watched me question myself and my motives.  The kind comments on this blog, the connections on Twitter and Facebook.  Thank you.  To my sponsor, my dear friends, my dad and my sister, thank you. ...more

Now she gets it

So here I sit inthe observation car with my daughter.  She is reading a book on her iPhone (awesome).  I believe she is reading Go Ask Alice.  Just like I think I did at her age.  ...more