'Don't Do It': The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week

Time again for the weekly feature that is the wit and wisdom of a two year old. Namely, The Toddler. Without further ado, here is the tiny lady herself:1. On being melodramatic Silly Mummy is committing the heinous crime of moving a stuffed toy half a metre. The Toddler is running behind Silly Mummy, making an Oscar bid in the category of Best Toddler in a Complete Overreaction: 'Come back! Don't do it! DON'T DO IT!'2. On non sequiturs...more

Play a Game of Guess What Film the Toddler Is Talking About

The Toddler has taken a sudden interest in watching films. She has not, however, taken an interest in what films are actually called. The Toddler has developed a couple of alternative methods for identifying the film she wants to watch. The first is to point at random unrelated pictures on the TV, or indeed at the blank TV screen, and shout, 'Want to watch that one! No, not that one! No! Want to watch the one.' This method does not have a high success rate. The other method is offering descriptions of what she considers to be salient points of the film. ...more

Conversations With The Baby

The Baby has made the effort to join in the conversation between The Toddler and Silly Mummy (not to mention, debated with parrots). The Toddler therefore decides to return the favour. She will chat with The Baby about what The Baby wants to talk about. She will use The Baby's native tongue, Garble (a beautiful and nuanced language, for those who don't know)....more

The Toddler Has Left the Building

The Toddler has left the building. Actually, she hasn't. The door is locked. But she has announced her intention to leave, said her goodbyes, packed a bag. Or, at least, picked up a toy kettle and a wooden triangle. Or put an envelope on her head as a hat. That happened. ...more

The Toddler Is in Residence: The Playhouse Is Closed to the Public

We are in a cafe with a children's play area, which contains a little playhouse. The playhouse is empty. The Toddler marches over and commandeers it. For the war effort, you understand. Not that The Toddler is at war. But she will be if anyone tries to get in that playhouse. She is thinking ahead. A rather brave/optimistic/clueless little boy approaches the house and attempts to enter. The Toddler pushes the door shut. This is her house now. She has a watering can and she is ready to defend her property. ...more

Reprogramming My Parenting Instincts

“Trust your instincts” is advice that many women hear during those anxiety-filled first weeks of motherhood. But what happens when your parenting instincts don’t match the type of parent you want to be?When it comes to our automatic parenting responses (i.e., parenting instincts) nurture beats nature.The truth is that despite the fact that we are animals our parenting instincts aren’t simply biology; we are social creatures who learn how to be a parent from those we’ve seen parenting....more
I can relate to this so much! It's hard to beat those instincts and tends to be a constant, ...more

8 Reasons Why I Miss Having a Toddler (Seriously)

Whether you are a mom, dad, step-parent or loved one who rides the roller-coaster called Parenting a Toddler, you already know it can be demanding. Yes, time flies and these moments will be gone in a blink of an eye, but trying to cherish the "now" -- especially mid meltdown in the cereal aisle -- isn't always easy. ...more
I miss grocery shopping with my daughter. I know how insane that sounds! I miss discussing what ...more

The Toddler Alphabet

An A-Z of The Toddler's favourite, funniest and most misunderstood words.A is for 'Armpit'By which The Toddler means 'open it'. Present opening on The Toddler's second birthday had so many armpits it needed deodorant: 'Daddy, armpit! Armpit, daddy! Daddy, help - armpit!'B is for 'Back soon!'...more

Yoghurt Spoon!

The Toddler is eating lunch. She is having yoghurt ('oghurt') for dessert. The Toddler likes yoghurt.The Toddler has finished her main course. She becomes immediately concerned that the offer of yoghurt may have been forgotten or withdrawn in the 15 minutes since it was made. The Toddler will check. She yells, 'Oghurt! Mummy! Daddy! Grammy! Oghurt! Oghurt!'...more

Who Is This?

The Toddler is in the play area at the doctors' surgery. She has made a friend. Her new friend is a little girl who appears to be around three, about a year older than The Toddler. As a more experienced toddler, The New Friend knows more of the words to 'Ring a Ring o Roses' than The Toddler. This causes great excitement. Furthermore, The New Friend appears to be as obsessed with 'Ring a Ring o Roses' as The Toddler is. This causes even greater excitement. The Toddler is unaccustomed to people spontaneously engaging her in 'Ring a Ring o Roses'....more