The BlogHer-iVillage Valentine's Day Survey

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Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder
Surfette

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 14th Feb 2009 marks the 43rd anniversary of the introduction of decimal currency here in OZ. 

THat's how I tend to greet people on the 14th Feb. 

Either that or "Sorry, I don't do VD"

Keeps 'em guessin'. 

www.agoddessinthekitchen.blogspot.com/

To me it seems that Valentine's Day is about spending lots of money to show the one that you love, that you love them. TV commercials and advertising in general has instilled into people that overpriced flowers and expensive jewelery means "I love you".  Love can easily be shown everyday (for free I might add) and I don't agree with a designated day to show someone you care by buying them presents. My husband and I mutually agreed the day was a joke and we don't buy each other a thing. I shake my head at the expectaions of the day. A while ago my sister and her BF at the time lived with us for a few months. Valentine's Day came and hubby and I were watching a movie when BF came home he had bought her a grossly overpriced teddy bear ($40) her favorite perfume, set of 2 bottles and a lotion (lord only knows what he paid for that) and a very nice card ($5 I'm sure). He was very excited to give these offerings of love and anyone else would have been more than pleased to receive them. The first and only words out of my sisters mouth? Where are my flowers? Now mind you my sisters an extreme case, but the point is it's been ingrained that the dollar amount equals the love. I'm positive there are couples who show their love on V day with thoughtfullness and it's not about the money. But what happend to showing you care everyday why the pressure to prove you love someone on one specified day.

For those that don't understand why some of us dread the day here goes three reasons:

1. It is a two week commercial reminder that you don't have someone that will take you to dinner, bonk your brains out and want to be with you the next day. It is a cultural way of telling you that you can't draw flies let alone a partner. 364 days your fine and this is the day the society twist the knife to remind you that you are not partnered.

2. Your co-workers will receive flowers. From their husbands. Supposedly. Each one more beautiful than the last. It becomes a competition. You ain't got squat but you will politely marvel at the beauty of the arrangement. It helps that you do like flowers. I do like flowers but again it is like having your face smashed in to being the other who is without a partner.

3. If you think your are lonely now just wait until you flip on the TV and you will feel like a third wheel in your own home.

Self defense is your best option - no TV, stay out of the stores and surround yourself with your life affirming books, music and movies. This too shall pass.
Gena - Out On The Stoop

I spent a lot of single V-Day's surrounded by couples, but really now, hatred for Valentine's Day is nothing but selfish. It's not necessarily just for couples; I celebrate my friends. People I love. All relationships. My friends and I always do something special for Valentine's Day, and it doesn't have to be pricey. It might be as simple as a homemade card telling why you appreciate that friend. Just hanging out. Or as dramatic as, yes, a real pity party for us single chicks. (We spent more time laughing over how ridiculous we were, greatfun).:P

If you have trouble 'dealing' with Valentine's Day, get over yourself! Why not make someone else's day special? Love isn't about what you can get, it's about 'giving. If it's not, it's not love. Same goes for Valentine's Day, it's not about how someone else is or isn't making you feel special, it's about making the day for others! With that, as the saying goes, what goes around comes around.

Instead of setting up self-defense, why not get your other single friends together for a good time, celebrating those relationsips? Write out cards to people that matter to you, and tell them why. But your friends their favorite candies, make cute cards and deliver them to people in a nursing home, or shut-ins, or anyone you may know of that is spending a lonely Valentine's Day. Make Valentine's cookies and take them in for co-workers, or take another single friend out to dinner for fun. Send your parents on a romantic dinner, if they haven't planned one or can't afford. If you can't afford to, stop buy and make them on, then leave them to themselves. There is a never-ending list of things you can do to celebrate the people that you love, and THAT is what Valentine's Day is about. You don't have to spend a single red cent to do that.

I am now in a relationship, but for us it's about loving the other person, not about what we can get. Obviously we're not perfect, but we try. And I still don't forget my friends.

I totally agree! Valentine's Day is about just plain love, no matter how you feel it.  Friendship, Lover, Mother, Father, Sibling or anything else you can come up with!  Even my cat I buy something for-I got him on Valenine's Day 10 years ago! 

I could not have said it better!

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone!

Personally, I like decorating for all the holidays and even when we were first married, we didn't have a lot of money, so we exchanged cards and have never done anything else.  We say "I love you" every day and since the finances are still in the "poor" category, we still just do the cards.  My husband was an artist in his younger days, so he still makes me cards, and now since I am into making greeting cards, I now make his.

I stopped making such a big deal out of V-Day, for only to stop being so disappointed! Both husbands and two serious BFs in my life have completely blown the day off - not so much as a hug or kiss.

A card is nice enough, maybe staying in and cooking a nice meal. My BFF's birthday is on Feb 16, so its a treat for me to go buy her the most ridiculous bouquet of flowers - marked down from $80 to about $15 after V-Day is over. Also the best time to buy all the V-day treats...2 days after the holiday has come and gone. I love the clearance racks full of goodies!!

1) I wish all card departments would have a little book of instructions for guys AND a great amount of cards that are very pretty and say, "Be Mine" or "Please be my Valentine" just to make it easy. There should be big signs on the highway and there should be public service announcements on TV that say, "Don't Be the Stupid Guy; Get Her a Valentine." Some men give women nothing and then say, "I didn't know what to do!" and act like they are being led to slaughter.

2) All women need to be told by their mothers, "Smile and say 'I LOVE it!'" and give him what he really likes. *wink wink* That needs to be the mom talk right up there with "Don't do drugs" and the wedding night talk (which isn't always needed anyway.)

3) Those big dumb stuffed animals give me a pain. They are usually cheap and non-cuddly. But if I get one I cuddle it and love it until I break up with the guy. 

4) If you are in an exclusive, love relationship the woman should receive: candy, flowers, and pretty "I love you forever and the most ever" card, NOT some stupid, wise acre joke card or a card with animals on it. There should be NO comments about the candy what so ever! If your precious dear lady sits down and eats the whole box right there, say, "I'm so glad you loved my present so much!"

5) And for women, repeating number 2) Give him what he really likes *wink wink*.

Oh and I'm 49 and James Spader just turned 49. I've always thought he would be THE hottest Valentine's date and I still DO!