Ups, downs and the ultimate daddyblogger

Happy Monday --

For nine years now, I've been telling people I'm not a crier.

Nothing wrong with crying, I say, it's just that I got it all out of my system in The Divorce. None left. I'm cried out. Nothing personal.

Liar.

Blogging has broken the dam. BlogHer '05 started the big thaw, and since January my emotions have been leaking through my all-purpose exterior (pity Jory and Elisa). It's like being 13 again, but without the benefit of mall-bangs or that crawly brown-polyester fast-food uniform I wore for too long.

I blame you all. Some of the blogs I've read in the past week have been heartbreaking. Many women are writing about loss and illness, or regrets about how we look, how we live our lives (or don't anymore) and sometimes even who we are. We don't just need a hug, much less to learn how to cook a chicken in five minutes. Our blogs reveal that occasionally we need boxes of tissues and chablis, a better health care system, dirty jokes, and the feel of a child's popsicle-covered palm in ours.

Notice I don't say "and a night out with the girls." Blogging, it appears, is now providing us with that release. Which is perhaps why so many of us hit a trough mid-week and then picked up again. Then again, it could be because a few women, in a happier place, belly-laughed the rest of us back into prime form. Which--who knew?--tears me up again. See if you agree...

1. Lower. Higher. No, lower...
2. The ultimate daddyblogger is...
3. Writing contest
4. What She Said: Joy Unexpected

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1. Lower. Wait--Higher. No, lower...

It's amazing how many mothers who blog have been in, around or remembering hospitals this week. Badgermama's Moments From the Hospital, reveal the toll on both mother and child from her young son's appendicitis last weekend. How strong was she in the moment? Try this: While she was still in mama-badger-mode, she slammed out the list, When your kid's in the hospital. I recommend you print it and save it with your insurance card.

Meanwhile, Jenn Satterwhite faced and then eluded the return of serious illness in one parent while mourning another. Jen at Not Calm (dot com) remembered her mother too, sharing beautiful old photographs that prove her grandparents weren't the only ones who looked like movie stars. Meghan, looking like a 1950s starlet herself in My Dog Harriet's new blog design, finally sent me scrounging for the papertowels to blow my nose. She wrote this ode to a beloved and ailing parent of an ex, managing to say goodbye to her former self in the process. Good thing, because I needed them: At Ninjapoodles, Belinda, who will miss BlogHer '06 due to her own illness, is facing a loss of her own, while friends of Rita's have lost a pregnancy.

What do I mean by bittersweet, you may wonder at this point? Try on Mom to the Screaming Masses, who wants your advice on how to best help her daughter. Or Liz's little sweeties trying to raise Mom's spirits with a make-under.

By the time I had rubbed my nose raw, I desperately need Busy Mom's wry commentary on her 16th anniversary and the bow she wore on her ass. Speaking of asses and more: Karen chose her 39th birthday to give anyone in the neighborhood who was watching her something in return: Read "Thirty-nine, or the Case of the Flapping Hoo-Has." I don't know whose daugher witnessed a more hysterical birthday, Karen's Alex or Thalia, the daughter of Mom-101, who created a this mad-lib in honor of hostessing her baby's first birthday party. And now, thanks to Mir's terrors, I'm sleeping with the light on. Thanks for nothing ladies--you've aged me.

Determination returned, if damp, I was ready to read IzzyMom's home-front insurrection against gender stereotyping and enjoy Eden Kennedy of Fussy, as she had her say about the term "mommyblogger".

Although I loved being called Mommy and still miss it, Eden was very convincing:

Mommybloggers: What do you personally think about the term mommybloggers?

Eden: I hate it. People have used it against me -- both offhandedly and ferociously -- to infantilize my brain and my blog and my life, non-parents who seem to think that being a mother makes you a second-class citizen, they feel perfectly free to use that term in the most demeaning way possible. It's so bloody stupid, to be so prejudiced against women who are audacious enough to talk about what their lives are like as they raise young children...

Wonder what she's on about? I won't do any trolls (in print or online) the favor of raising their profiles here. Let's just say that I have learned to discount mainstream media articles on AlphaMom Isabel Kallman and, of course, Heather Armstrong of Dooce, and I've spoken enough with many of you to know the kind of everyday treatment you get in your comment spam filters.

It bothers me less than it used to, likely because of the online friendships Mary Tsao explains so well, assisted by Motherhood Uncensored (here and here.

And, of course, Sweetney, whose post "With Blogs Like These, Who Needs Friends?" is as profound as Troll Baby's is righteously peeved on behalf of women who haven't entered the Ovarian Olympics.

Looky, blogs can heal -- not to mention save you from conversations like the ones experienced in Notes from the Trenches and Suburban Turmoil this week.

2. The ultimate daddyblogger is...

In case you missed it, check out Guy Kawasaki's love note to moms who blog. Can you believe this guy? He has been a terrific friend to BlogHer, encouraging us to be entrepreneurs at every turn. And what a dad: Of all his posts, this one may be my favorite (emphasis on #2 and #3). He will be at BlogHer '06 and I encourage you to introduce yourself.

Among the many moms who sent Guy aloha were CityMama and, the inimitable Grace Davis. "How timely..." she writes. "...writing about my bosoms after finding out that Guy Kawasaki, the former Apple evangelist who disclosed that Apple had a sushi bar in the offices back in the 80s, linked to me and a bunch of us sexy mommybloggers."

And I think Guy would be the first person to describe his list as a work in progress, since many brilliant women aren't yet on it. You know my opinion: The ultimate list was built by the community: Blogher's Mommy & Family blogroll of 750+ blogs. For starters, that is...it'll always be under construction.

3. Writing contest

In honor of next year's conference, one of our sponsors, OurStory, has come up with quite a contest: An all-expenses-paid trip to BlogHer '07 AND a new digital camera. I blog about it here. We'll announce the location (east of the Mississippi in the U.S.) next week....

4. What She said: Joy Unexpected

The last word goes to Y at Joy Unexpected, who punctuates Sweetney and Mary's posts with this naked writing about body image:

I've always felt that I am alone, because my sister has had children and her belly doesn't look like mine. My cousins have had babies and they didn't get stretchmarks.
That feeling of being the only woman to look this way has made me feel isolated. It has made me feel like I should be ashamed.

That is why I can not stop crying over this site, The Shape of a Mother.

(Amalah send me the link this morning.) I'm sobbing over here. To know that I'm not a freak, that other woman have experienced such changes in their body, to know that it's nothing to be ashamed of, even though society ("the media") tries to tell us differently is a powerful, powerful thing.

Beautiful, no?

~

Have a great week.
Best,
Lisa

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-Founder