I Thought My Sister's Death Was a Lie

This spring I dreamt that my sister Bobbie wasn't dead. She hadn't committed suicide after all. She was coming home. It was 1966 again and I was 10 years old. She was 21, just like before, and I sobbed for joy when she came to the door, in her familiar beatnik style, looking somewhat detached and cold, but there. After all, I never saw her body — they said it was too far gone for me to see — so her death really may have been a lie, camouflaged amidst my parents' many other deceits. ...more
I'm so sorry you had to lose your sister.  I hope that in writing this you have come to some ...more

I'd Have Hidden the Body For Her

I met Jo Foxworth on my first job interview after college, when I applied for a position as assistant to the president of a "vest-pocket" ad agency. That morning, I borrowed my cousin's skirt and shoes and took the Lexington Avenue train to midtown Manhattan. When I arrived, Ms. Foxworth’s assistant wondered why I was an hour early. Embarrassed, I went down the street, ordered a cappuccino and killed an hour. ...more
*sniff*more

The Day My Daughter Found Out I Have a Dad

For as long as my children have lived, they’ve assumed that I have only one parent: a mom. I didn’t have a dad because I never talked about having a dad. I never talked about having a dad because, in my mind, I don’t have a dad. Or, I did have a dad, but he died in 2008, two years before my oldest was born. So, since he wasn’t living when we conceived my first daughter and he wasn’t living when she was born, he had no meaning, beyond DNA, to their lives. So I didn’t talk about him…ever. ...more

Keeping a Pet's Presence Alive After the Animal is Gone

I’m not surprised to be reading that pets have become extremely important to young singles, who find that a dog or cat is less stressful than being with a lover (though in defense of humans, an animal, no matter how devoted, will never pick up the cleaning). There is now the phrase, “pets as partners,” which I guess should take the sting out of hearing a woman referred to as “a dog.” With U.S. veterinarians claiming that medical marijuana is a necessity for dogs in pain, there may soon be an expression for getting high with a pet, particularly since an animal isn’t always welcome at a bar....more

Overwhelmed

I don't know what is the matter with me. Ever since I saw that picture, I have been a weeping machine. I wept on the way to get a mammogram. I wept while on hold. I wept on the way to work on crafts for the kids in Uganda to make next month. I wept while mixing two types of cat food so the kittens' tummies wouldn't be upset as I transition them to adult food. I wept during worship at church, and during the baptisms. It's ridiculous....more

Giving Up or Letting Go? Gaining "The Inside Advantage"

How do you know when it’s time to give up—fighting for something you believe in, or want to have, or to have happen? To give up seems like a failure of sorts, and we don’t like to fail, to experience loss. You’re not sure if you can let go of your hopes and dreams, of something or someone. Maybe you think or feel that you can’t or don’t want to continue doing what you’ve been doing—thinking and acting in the same way, or perhaps moving in the same direction, or even staying on the same path....more

How to survive the death of a sibling

It is almost July 24.  My younger brother's birthday.  He would have been 45 this year.  4 years younger than me.  However, when his birthday comes this year I will do what I have been doing for the past 5 years.  I will bake a chocolate cake  and I will light a yahrzeit candle to honor his memory. Because on April 14, 2009, my younger brother Brian died from a heart attack....more

Re-Connecting with My Biological Parents (A Unique Adoption)

Looking at me in person and reading my stories online, you probably would never know that at one point in my life I was considered “special needs.”  My life’s story involves a unique adoption that shaped me into the person I am today – let’s start with the day the adoption became final....more

Blindsided

I was poking around online the other day, waiting for my sister to call so we could discuss bus schedules for her planned trip to visit in August. I wasn't thinking about much of anything, but I came across a photo of a couple in winter at what looked like Jenny Lake. The picture caught me unaware, and I just started crying. I don't really know why; I'm not even sure it was Jenny Lake....more

Dear Annie: A Letter to our Rescue Dog

Dear Annie,15 months ago I saw you sitting outside the pet store when I was running errands.  I wasn’t sure if you were part of the local humane society’s adoption event, or if you were heading into the pet store with your own family.  You were far too pretty to be up for adoption – a pure bred, rust-colored, goofy, 7-month old golden retriever pup. I put my bag of groceries down and made a beeline for you.  I’m pretty sure I elbowed another couple out of the way so I could get a good look.  “Is this a pure golden?” I asked....more
MommyBanter BlogHer I love this post!more

Refusing to Say "I Don't Want to Become My Mother" Anymore

I've spent most of my life either saying or thinking, "As long as I don't become my mother..." like it was some kind of motivational quote for my life. As long as I could keep chugging along and not become her, I was doing okay. As long as I didn't make the same choices she did, that would mean that I had somehow done better with my life. I knew with every fiber of my being that I could become my mother, but I didn't want to. I wanted my own life; I wanted to be different. ...more
I think it is great when you can say you actually want to be like your parents.  I did not have ...more

Memories of my Dad

Hi readers,Today I am going to share some memories of my Dad. This is a topic that is hard for me to share about because he was so important to me. I have recieved so much love and support for sharing my story that I am going to share my whole story with HD, the good and the bad.  ...more

I Thought My Sister's Death Was a Lie

This spring I dreamt that my sister Bobbie wasn't dead. She hadn't committed suicide after all. She was coming home. It was 1966 again and I was 10 years old. She was 21, just like before, and I sobbed for joy when she came to the door, in her familiar beatnik style, looking somewhat detached and cold, but there. After all, I never saw her body — they said it was too far gone for me to see — so her death really may have been a lie, camouflaged amidst my parents' many other deceits. ...more
I'm so sorry you had to lose your sister.  I hope that in writing this you have come to some ...more