10 Things Not to Do When You Get a Tattoo

During the day, I play a tattoo artist on TV. Okay, I really am a tattoo artist (not to be confused with my night job of a ninja assassin), and I love my job. There are certain things about my job that seriously make me want to head home and crawl back into bed, though. And, it's not just me; I've talked to the guys at the shop -- they have the same pet peeves.So, I'm going to help y'all out and give you the hook up from an insider source ... me. ...more
I don't plan on getting a tattoo any time soon, but I have friends who do...I'll make sure they ...more

Will Our Neighbors Hate Us If We Build a Swimming Pool?

Dear Mouthy Housewives,We are planning to build a pool in our backyard this summer. I know it's going to be loud with a lot of dust. ...more
Yeah, invite them over when it's done, and remember you're increasing neighborhood property ...more

Are You Actually Reading This Post?

Today at work I realized that no one is reading, not even me. As I was going through my normal steps of work, various issues on different screens for different people, I noticed that I’m not actually reading anything. I’m clicking the button I normally click and typing in what I know goes in each space. I opened emails and responded, replied to IMs and started some email strings of my own; all the while just skimming through the information. ...more
I still read. I don't skim at work because I can't afford to. There's always someone waiting to ...more

Truth Be Told

A preacher had all of the children gathered up front one Sunday morning and was giving a children’s sermon on the topic of love and how to show others your love for them. He asked the group, “have any of you ever seen your Mommy and Daddy kiss?” One little girl quickly raised her hand and, much to her parents’ embarrassment, announced, “I’ve seen them do a lot more than kiss!” Before she could be stopped, she added, “I’ve seen them hug.” The congregation let out a collective sigh....more

12 Horrible Things You Aren't Told About Being a New Mom

As my own child gets older and I remember the first days through things like Timehop, I see friends on the verge of having their own first baby. It's a magical, amazing time, but there are also some truly horrific and horrible things that nobody tells you....more

Lies Pregnant Women Tell Themselves About Motherhood

Lie:  “I’ll exercise before the kids get up and lose that baby weight in no time!”Reality:  No you won’t.  You’ll wake up only when your child has been crying long enough that it’s clear he won’t be going back to bed.  And if you’re really not a morning person, you might even train your children to go back to bed for an hour or two after their first bottle, for the sole purpose of getting more shut-eye yourself.  (Not that I speak from experience.  Ahem.) ...more

Ms. Debbie Downer.

 Are you a Debbie Downer?Are you always unhappy, no matter the time, day, week, or year.Wherever you go  you always find a problem with someone or something.Someone tells you “Have a nice day”, and your response is “What’s good about it”.At your place of employment you don’t like your boss, nor any of your co-workers.You go to dinner the waiter is either way too slow, or not fast enough....more

When Are Rape Jokes Funny?

On Rape Jokes: Rape is one of those topics.  It’s horrible, of course, and it is never funny.  I am not of the school of thought, though, that says just because a thing is never funny, jokes about it are also never funny. For example, I think this joke is hilarious, and I’ll explain why later on in the post:  “Hey, Holocaust jokes are never funny.  My grandfather died in a concentration camp…fell off a guard tower.”  ...more

Hotmess, Hooligans and My Cellphone

I am sitting here today knowing that I need to write. I need to get out more stories and help others, but It’s hard some days to face my past without fear of what it will mean to my future. Matt told me to just keep going “what’s the next part of your life?” “what is the next story?”  ...more

Swimsuits And Cellulite, Oh My!

I don’t have the courage to snap a pic of me in a bathing suit and post it on social media for all the world to see.I live near the beach in SoCal. Nuff said.And recently when Selena Gomez posted a pic of herself on a beach (and while she definitely looks like she’s gained a few ellbees), the vitriol of the comments is overwhelming.No way I’m exposing myself to that.I can do all my own fat-shaming in my head, thank you very much....more

Six Promises to Myself as I Turn 40

40 is a big year for everyone, for me. This year I get to hit this milestone…HARD. I feel it in my whole being, a change, a sense of renewed interest in a life I've handed in for children who are getting older. This is my year and with that in my mind, I have made myself six promises.  1. You will not run a marathon. If you feel the need to, you will quickly divert your attention to a less stressful activity such as drinking a glass of wine or watching a movie....more

Like My Car, I'm Usually Running on Empty

Most days I feel as if I’m running on fumes. Most days my car actually is. I am of the belief that people fall into two categories: those who play the cat and mouse game with the fuel light indicator and those who fill up as soon as the fuel gauge moves away from full. In high school we learned about dominant and non-dominant genes and how blue-eyed parents can produce a brown-eyed child or maybe it’s vice versa; I have never fully understood science....more

Is there such a thing as a "Mummy Crush"?

Please tell me you know what I mean. There is always that one mum. The one who is perfectly groomed, whose kids aren’t running away from them when the school bell goes but are instead embracing her lovingly and don’t have toothpaste marks on their school shirt they put on clean that morning. The mum who looks effortlessly put together. Who isn’t wearing jeans that really should have been washed a few days ago as they have several different food stains on them and snot all over the knees from a toddler wiping their nose. I so want to be like her. I’m calling it a crush of sorts....more