Getting Lost is Our Family Tradition

There have been so many roads not taken, or mistaken, or taken wrongly—also highways, freeways, even hallways. Born without a sense of direction, like everyone else in my family, I turn left when I should turn right, can't tell the difference between east and west, and have been known to panic in hotel hallways. When J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, "Not all those who wander are lost," he was not talking about the Clark family. We wander, all right, and we are lost....more

Heartbreak Has No Expiration Date

The first time I had my heart broken was in 1980. The last time was yesterday. I've been sitting here trying to decide if they feel any different. They kind of don't. I was 15 when I finally succumbed to Jeff's charms. One night at the grocery store, my mom and I were in the meat section. Do you remember how they'd divide the kinds of meat, and inexplicably decorated those dividers with something that looked like plastic parsley?...more

My Life Isn't What I Thought it Would Be. It's Better. 

If someone had told me when I was a peace-loving, bead-wearing hippie chick that as a middle-aged woman I would be married to a Republican, watch not only CNN but Fox News and frequent a bar at a Disabled American Veterans facility, I would have called that person batshit crazy. I was a free-spirited, liberal girl out to change the world. I could never sleep with someone who owned a gun and voted for Nixon. But life doesn't always turn out as we imagined....more

Dear Diary

 Dear Diary,I don’t usually write in a diary because I think people will read it when I am dead and assume asinine things about me. I’d rather write where everyone can read it while I’m alive, and still think asinine things about me. At least I have control over what people see....more

He Was Beheaded! Such Things Happen In The Best Families. In Fact, Usually In The Best Families.

Rusty and I have known each other since school days....more

What's the Upside to Being Sixty-four and A Half?

Two mornings ago I woke up and asked my husband: "What's the upside to being 64 1/2 years old anyway?!" His answer: "Well, you're not yet 65."I hit him with my pillow....more

Everybody's Not Fine

A Singing Uterus Stars in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend!

Over 64,000 of you know Rachel Bloom as the singing uterus in my “A Singing Uterus Explains Perimenopause and Menopause” video....more

Why My Wedding Day Was Not the Happiest Day of My Life

 “Happiness has little to do with what is going on around you, and a lot to do with what is going on inside you.” - Alan Cohen   ...more

Breaking Chains in Gatlinburg

Lo Que Hay - It Is What It Is

It took months (or was it years) before I finally explained the title of my We Can Only Speculate Peace Corps blog. So let’s not tarry with an explanation of this blog's title. Lo que hay let's use it in a sentence. My cat wants to drink from the faucet and will not be dissuaded oh well . ....more

Curtains Up!

 No white after Labor Day; no patent leather before Easter; never leave home witho...more

I'll Have What She's Having

 My friend April has a knack for getting anything she wants from her husband. For ten years she's tried to explain her secrets....more