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The real work of recovery is not only saying goodbye to what was destroying your life, but accepting what you may have detroyed that once helped you live. It's this bittersweet realization, shared by our BlogHer Voice of the Week, Miss Banshee, that brought us and her readers to attention. In her post "Mockingbird Don't Sing", Miss Banshee explains how she grew up singing:
"Always. Started voice classes quite young, probably 12 years old, and started being classically trained in opera while still in my teens. I was a theatre major in college, performed in several musicals, and competed in vocal competitions throughout. I was a singer. It was what I did. In the car, in the shower, you couldn't shut me up if you tried. And, according to other people, I was pretty damn good at it."
When her addiction and depression consumed her, she could still sing technically, but not passionately. At a point when she nearly killed herself and was in a coma, her relationship with her voice was severed. She had to be intubated, and her vocal chords were permanently damaged. And she was silenced in rehab, where:
"I learned to listen...partially because I didn't really have any other options. I also learned that being silent meant I became secret-keeper, confidant, and the best shrink you never paid for. I liked that. I liked that part a lot. It gave me self-worth..."
Now recovered, Miss Banshee has a new place from where to derive her identity--one grounded in being with other people. But another place has been forever abandoned, not willingly.
I lost my singing voice entirely during the course of all this drama. I can't sing a note. ... I see it as a fair trade. I got to live, but a very precious part of me, a huge part of my identity, died.
Though she mourns this loss, Miss Banshee believes she got her life back. Her mother would agree:
"Your story makes us cry but having you alive with us again give us greater joy than a beautiful song." she wrote to her daughter in the comments. Miss Banshee may no longer be a singer, but we all agree that she does, indeed, have a beautiful voice.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming! If you want to check out all these posts, check out the BlogHer Voice of the Week archive.
Best,
Jory
For Elisa, Jory, and Lisa, BlogHer Co-founders
Jory Des Jardins writes on business and career topics at BlogHer, and on her personal blog From Here to Autonomy
