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Last year I went to Africa for vacation, in the Zulu region of South Africa. When I returned I didn't really have much to say. I feared any word I uttered would sound patronizing or privileged or pandering, so words failed me. I published 300 pictures online and left it pretty much at that. I was just trying to describe a vacation, but in her post, "Africa", Blogger Seeking Elevation recounts a far more urgent story from her time living in Kenya. Her post captures the sentiment that, as an outsider in Africa, one's feelings may be intense, but they are not earned, not appropriate, not relevant, not wanted. Her ability to describe the indescribable is just one reason Seeking Elevation is is our BlogHer Voice of the Week.
She begins by bringing us back to the harrowing aftermath of the December 2007 presidential election. Even in that chaos, she has the luxury of feeling one step removed from the crisis:
It was a terrible time. But I can’t lay claim to that tragedy. I was a white expat living in Kenya. Like many tragedies, it skipped the rich. Our lives were changed only in that we didn’t leave the house for awhile; our gates were locked; our security guards stood more alert than usual; our pantry was filled with anything we thought we might need. We adapted by keeping our passports close by.
and
I had nightmares about people dying in ways I had never even seen depicted in horror movies but had seen evidence of on the news. But my family was safe. And my embassy was alert. And this place was not my home. My home was an ocean away and had never experienced anything like what was happening in Kenya. I could leave if it got bad enough.
The crisis does hit closer to home when Seeking Elevation's own security guard, Dominic, becomes ill and dies, due to mis-diagnosis. Dominic's wife comes to share the news and ask for money for a proper burial, remaining dry-eyed while Seeking Elevation weeps...even as she is embarrassed by her tears:
How dare I cry for this man? How foolish of me to take on the task of grieving for this one man who died in a much more dignified way and at a much later age than many of his fellow country men. My whiteness was suddenly blinding and scalding. I didn’t have words for my emotions, and I couldn’t find an outlet for them. I found them inescapable.
and
I was crying and surprised and appalled. My world came to a halt with the death of this man I could hardly even claim as a friend, when even his wife was able to see it coming, pick up the pieces and go looking for the money to bury him. I felt fraudulent experiencing those emotions, even in the absence of an audience. Who the hell was I? Where the hell was I?
Who Seeking Elevation is, is a woman deeply affected by her time living a world away, and able to articulate how Africa "gets in there", leaving her irrevocably changed. Reading her entire story in this post will probably change you a little bit too.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming! If you want to check out all these posts, check out the BlogHer Voice of the Week archive.
Best,
Elisa
For Elisa, Jory, and Lisa, BlogHer Co-founders
Elisa Camahort Page
BlogHer
elisa@blogher.com
My BlogHer profile truly shows you everything I do online...Check it out!!
