BlogHer of the Week: Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder
By Elisa Camahort on April 27, 2009
BlogHer Original Post
There are some experiences that we women share. Some things that act as the great equalizer. Eventually, if you make it far enough in life, you too will face (ominous music plays): The Mammogram! Maybe you're not there yet. Maybe you're like me and have been down this road a number of times. Whether you're wondering what your first one will be like, or looking ahead to your next one with a sense of duty and resignation, we recommend you read Anna Lefler's personal take with the no-nonsense headline: Wham. Bam. Mammogram.
Anna may be using a bit of hyperbole, but she's not so very far off when she describes her very first time:
"...the ebullient technician, fresh from a stint in an Eastern-European roller-derby league, knocks on my swinging saloon doors which are (say it with me) dusty rose and puts me at ease with the words, "Bring purse."
I follow her down the hall into the walk-in freezer exam room where she points for me to put my purse on the floor in the corner. She then directs me toward the machine, moving me closer and closer to it. So close, in fact, that if I get any more intimate with this equipment I will morph into Robocop.
"Remove one arm," the technician says, standing beside me.
"Well, that sounds painful," I joke and am rewarded with an unblinking, soul-searing stare. Obviously, she is prepared to wait me out, so I slip my arm out of the gown, exposing half my chest, while the technician soaks her hands in a bucket of ice water. (I may have imagined that last bit.)"
Ah, the cold hands, the cold metal, the technician who's heard every boob joke out there...and never found them funny to begin with!
Anna thinks it's a piece of cake once she's gotten settled in...she doesn't realize that there is more smashing yet to come, as the technician steps behind her shield from all those X-rays. But then, with the pedal to the metal, the technician sets those tectonic plates in motion:
Questions appear in my mind as the images are taken. What if the power goes out? What if there's a fire in the building? I'm going to look pretty silly dragging this machine down Santa Monica Boulevard by my chest.
I glance over to see the technician still watching me through the glass. Expressionless. Eating a churro.
We have just one other recommendation to accompany you when reading this post. Don't, whatever you do, click on the audio clip she provides as musical accompaniment to her post. Not unless you want to have a certain song you haven't heard in 30 years stuck in your head like the insidious ear worm it is!
Gino Vannelli? You owe Anna from Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder some royalties on this one!
And we all owe Anna some thanks for giving us something to laugh about even as we submit to the squishing (and all of us >40-somethings are getting our mammograms, right? RIGHT?) As Jory said after reading this post: "I haven’t had a mammogram yet, but I might just burst out laughing my first time." And then Lisa said: "Jory, you have no idea." I just laughed.
And we hope you will too.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts. Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.
For Elisa, Jory and Lisa
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