BlogHer of the Week: Attack of the Redneck Mommy
When we reach beyond the expected boundaries of the everyday we expect praise, perhaps even applause. The script in our mind may even play out a John Williams score, foreshadowing the risk or the sacrifice behind our endeavor. One can only guess at the music playing behind Tanis's latest ordeal, one that she took on in a heroic attempt at maintaining--even enlivening--her marriage.
Anticipating the return of her husband from an extended business trip, she attempts to make their home a place of comfort and ... adventure.
I knew exactly what it was I needed to do to surprise my husband home in a manner he’d never forget.
I was going to dye what little hair remaining on my body blue. That’s right. It was time to turn the old landing strip into a runway he’d never forget.
The story resulting from this Herculean--or perhaps Fekkain--effort elicits our laughter and wincing in ways we never thought possible from just any dye job. If for any other reason than because she managed to find 25 ways to refer to the pudendum and three visuals to evoke pubic hair, we have selected Tanis, author of the post "The Tale of Blue Thunder" from her blog Attack of the Redneck Mommy, as our BlogHer of the Week.
Perhaps it was extreme patriotism and anticipation of the Fourth of July that also inspired Tanis, whose pale skin and severe pain, coupled with her new shock of color, instantly reminds one of the colors of our nation.
Tanis encounters more obstacles on her journey to re-invention than Jason and the Argonauts: Navigating the "trim" and failing to avoid bleaching the "sensitive skin". The true test comes as she withstands the ultimate test:
Just as I made peace with standing like a statue with my legs wide apart, there was a knock on my door.
Imagining it was my father who would likely just barge in (as he’s been known to do), see my blue plastic-wrapped muff and then keel over dead, I wondered how I would explain this to the authorities so I grabbed a robe and ran to the door to try and stop my dad from buying the farm.
Except it wasn’t my father, it was the UPS driver. He must have thought I was a tad freakish what with the robe on in the middle of the afternoon and the way I sorta bounced up and down as once again the toxic chemicals burned their way into my female folds. I quickly signed for my package, ignored his polite chit chat and all but slammed the door in his face as I tossed the parcel onto the couch and beelined back to the bathroom.
With a newly shorn, Smurflike "box of love", Tanis expects to surprise and delight her man upon his arrival. Finally, the time of the Big Reveal. Her husband,:
...Laughed so hard tears poured down his cheeks. He laughed so hard I wondered if he’d ever be able to get it up. If I had gone through all the torture of ripping, stripping, coluring and burning my beaver all for naught.
Of course, some journeys can only be appreciated in the re-telling. What could not be appreciated in the moment will go down in our books as a most worthwhile endeavor. Never will we see a bikini wax or a Smurf the same way again.
Thanks to everyone for continuing to send in your nominated posts.
Remember to nominate individual posts, not entire blogs, and keep them
coming! If you want to check out all the BlogHer of the Week posts, check out the BlogHer of the Week archive.
For Elisa, Jory and Lisa, BlogHer Co-founders