BlogHers of A Certain Age Who Aren't "Mommies"

Hi,

Late to this discussion but wanted to add to it. I am a thirty-something blogger and professional writer with no children who's constantly frustrated by my lack of readership. I have tried everything I can to change that in terms of networking and joining directories and posting on others blogs.  I am able to get people to my blog maybe once or twice, but the truth is, if I am not writing about kids or my husband, they're aren't all that interested in coming back.

It's nothing personal, I'm just not writing about the things they want to read. So, I agree with Jenn's statement:

"Maybe part of the issue for bloggers is that one way to build your blogging community is specifically by aiming at a particular niche. For me personally, I know that if a life-oriented blog is too all over the place, even if I like the way the person writes, I won't become a regular reader."

I'm not quite sure what to do about this other than to create regular themes and columns and keep putting myself out there.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rant and feel free to stop by my blog: Cinnamon & Honey.  (For some reason the hyperlink too is not working.)

http://cinnamonandhoney.blogspot.com

I'm eager to find others in my situation so if you leave me a comment, I'll definitely stop by!

All the best.

Robin 

I am a 31 yr. old married female and I have chosen to remain childless. I often feel lonely in that decision, as every women I know has childrena dn honestly few understand a decision to not have them. When people ask me when I am going to have babies and I reply that actually, I don't want to have children, they either end the conversation or ignore my statement and say something like, "oh, of course you'll have kids someday". Last time I checked, it was still a choice - wheteher or not to have children I mean.

I am relieved to know there are other women out there who I can connect with on that level. 

Still searching...www.illusivejoy.wordpress.com

I'm with you on the fact that what we call ourselves really does matter.  That's why we're MidLIFEbloggers, not MiddleagedBloggers.   A large part of what we're doing on our site is defining ouselves according to our own standards, rather than some antiquated ones posed by social scientists in the last century.

By Jane

http://byjane.blogspot.com

http://midlifebloggers.com 

I'm married and I don't have kids so I'm with you up to a point but I don't feel middle-aged. In fact, when my friend asked me to be in her wedding, I asked her if she'd call me the married maid of honor because matron sounded like I should be dressed in flannel.  I like the idea of having a community for the nonMomBloggers but do we have to call ourselves middle-aged? It sounds so old, like we are blogging in orthopedic shoes (personally I'm barefoot and blogging as I type this) and get offers to review or advertise Depends on our blogs.  

 I think what makes it harder for nonMoms to connect as a blogging community is that the subjects of our blogs are all over the map. I mean, I blog about sustainable DIY and decorating. The closest I get to Mommyblogging is when I talk about my rescue dog. Does that make me a Dogmommyblogger? A crazy DogBlogger?  

Why don't decorating and DIY projects always work out like they do on TV?  Condo Blues http://condo-blues.blogspot.com/

Just wanted to say 'hi' from another (married) childless-by-choice blogger. It's nice to know there are so many others out there. Wish I could make it to BlogHer to meet up with you all...  alas it's a little far to travel from Germany. Maybe another year. :)

-Jul
( http://zurika.blogspot.com )

This non-American Life ( http://zurika.blogspot.com )
( http://www.veggiechic.com )

Veggie Chic ( http://www.veggiechic.com )

It's interesting that BlogHer is so much about Mommyblogging and yet the women who started it are not moms (Lisa, I'm not sure if you are or not).  Maybe it's easier to grow the site and women in blogging generally when there is a specific demographic that can be promoted so as to  bring in the advertisers.  I don't think I that leaves the rest of us out, but it does mean we have to work harder to find each other.

By Jane

http://byjane.blogspot.com

http://midlifebloggers.com 

washy || http://washwords.wordpress.com || washwords.dc@gmail.com

 Thank you Myrna for the post and fine, articulate, intelligent women for all your posts above.  I am single, "engaged to be engaged"  and we haven't don't have kids. Maybe we will, probably we won't and that's a subject for us to debate, consider and decide. I am genuinely torn for all very good reasons, another thing people don't seem to get.

You are right  checking that non-mommy box does feel kind of lonely, kind of like a failing sometimes, even in my days when I think having my beautiful niece in my life and no children of my own is exactly how life was meant to go. On the days when I think "but I always presumed I'd have kids, I'm GOOD with kids" it's downright painful.

Glad to have found all of you meanwhile.

Hooray! I'm thrilled about this session. I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed when I saw  (at least what appeared) to be all the momma centric sessions when I did a quick scan of the program. I'm in my late 30's, not a mom (yet) but hoping to be one....but also worrying that I may not ever be one if that's in the cards, so am on the fence about the whole thing. I do love the fact that there is a community of us non-mommies out there, and I can't wait to see you all at the panel!

I've been thinking lately that once I do become a mother, I will probably start a separate blog for all the things I want to talk about that are relevant to my role as a Mom (and as an adoptive parent, and as a single mother by choice, and as a white mother of a black child - I'll be adopting from Ethiopia).  But I'll probably keep my original blog, where I write about life in general and how I go about inventing who I want to be every day. 

--Liz 

I blog about creating a life worth living at:  www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com ( http://www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com/ )

I am in the same boat, although still on the fence about motherhood. Should I become a mother though, I don't think my blog would become a "mommy blog". I have friends who blog and have kids who I wouldn't consider mommy bloggers either. Sure they mention their kids, but it is not the main focus of their writing. Not that I think there is anything wrong with mommy blogs - there are many that I read and enjoy.

I think there aren't as many of us out there because of timing. I know I was lucky to have email in college. Back then it wasn't a given. And even if you did have it, it wasn't simple and you could only email people on the same system. Blogging isn't something that integrated into our lives as natural. As more people discover blogging, hopefully more will join in and share.

--chris

{blog} beyond the loop :: my adventures in boxes ( http://www.onceupon.com/27floor/blogger.html )

And I intend to hit the personal blogging sessions, and of course the one I'm moderating on Naked Blogging, and, of course, all the parties, the makeover pavilion, and the Swap Meet!

Jory Des Jardins BlogHer Personal Blog Pause ( http://www.jorydesjardins.com )

At 56 (gasp, I'm that old?!) I'm past the child-rearing age, and some people will start to question my "grandmother" status.

I have never had children. My choice completely. In fact I got my tubes tied while still single in my 20s because I knew it was the right choice for me.

I do have to deal with the aching lack of family I have; I do not find this directly related to the lack of children but rather to circumstances I've allowed to develop. I'll learn from it and grow. I believe I can build a family from close friends that will be strong and warm, welcoming and supportive (everything my real family is not).

Myrna, Jenn, Jane, Suzanne, earlygrey, and bri I look forward to meeting you all at BlogHer!

Debra
A Stitch In Time ( http://astitchintime.blogspot.com )
Weight for Deb ( http://weightfordeb.wordpress.com )

I was just going to say the same thing!  I just got married, and it seems to blow people's minds that my husband and I are not going to have children.  People have actually said "well, you might as well have just lived together and saved yourself the trouble."  Because, of course, marriage is only about children and nothing else.

This is What a Feminist Blogs Like ( http://feministblogproject.wordpress.com )

Glad to see there are others feeling the same way!

Yours, Tracy Viselli (a.k.a. Myrna the Minx)

My Company

Reno Fabulous Media: www.renofabulousmedia.com ( http://www.renofabulousmedia.com )
My Main Blog
Reno and Its Discontents: www.renodiscontent.com ( http://www.renodiscontent.com )

I was so relieved to see that there was a panel for us non-mommybloggers. I too am a single with no children, not in my 20's, though, 31 this year. But, I recently made the choice not to pursue that family life that dominates the blogosphere (well, it seems like it some days) and I too often struggle with where I fit in this community. I don't really relate to the single 20 somethings either, but I'm not old enough to fit in anywhere else. (sigh) I'm hoping to meet other like-minded women of any age at BlogHer, I'll check out your group.  

Bri @Under the Arch

You can find me at www.stlouistravelphotos.blogspot.com ( http://www.stlouistravelphotos.blogspot.com )

Yep, there sure is a panel at the conference on blogging women who chose to not have kids. I'm not single, but I don't have kids either. Sometimes I think that blows people's minds more than being single and not reproducing. You know, all that stuff about marriage being sacred 'cause why would anyone get married if he or she didn't want children?

Looking forward to meeting you at the conference!

Suzanne Reisman ( http://blogher.org/member/suzanne ), Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender ( http://blogher.org/topic/feminism-gender )
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com/ )

I'll try again!  I have MidLifeBloggers bookmarked, but maybe I haven't given it enough of a chance to grab and hold my attention.

--Liz 

I blog about creating a life worth living at:  www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com ( http://www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com/ )

I'm single with no kids as well, Liz.  One thing I want MidLifeBloggers ( http://midlifebloggers.com ) to be is inclusive of all states of being (la de dah!).  So join us; we NEED your voice!

By Jane

http://byjane.blogspot.com

http://midlifebloggers.com 

I'm about to turn 41 and don't think of myself as middle-aged, don't feel middle-aged, but unless I plan on living to be 120 I think I have to admit that I am at the beginning of my middle ages.  I'm also single with no kids, so I have a hard time relating whenever I try to read any of the "midlife" bloggers.  But I also can't relate to many of the single bloggers, since as Jenn pointed out, they are so often in their twenties.  I am about to do something "revolutionary" though - I am in the process of adopting as a single woman.  There are actually a lot of single-adoptive-parent bloggers out there, but I haven't seen any of them here at BlogHer. 

--Liz

I blog about creating a life worth living at:  www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com ( http://www.inventingmylife.blogspot.com/ )

Blogging-wise, I blog about politics and place so my marital status has little if nothing to do with what I write about thank goodness. In fact, the majority of my blogging audience is made up of men--I know, wierd.  Anyway, it's more an issue on BlogHer itself for me.  I'll check out your blog!

Reno and Its Discontents ( http://www.renodiscontent.com )

“Soon Myrna’s brutal social manner had driven my courtiers from the table and we were left alone, all cold coffee and hot words.”

Ignatius J. Reilly A Confederacy of Dunc

I'm single, no kids, late 30's and I've definitely often wondered where to find 'my kind' in the blogosphere.  What the heck DO you call those of us in our mid-30's to 40's? I don't feel 'middle-aged' but I have no idea what to call us!  And not having kids definitely means our lives look different from others our age.

Maybe part of the issue for bloggers is that one way to build your blogging community is specifically by aiming at a particular niche. For me personally, I know that if a life-oriented blog is too all over the place, even if I like the way the person writes, I won't become a regular reader. So I look for blogs that are more focused on issues that are relevant to some aspect of my own life - but the more tightly focused you get, the fewer people who can relate. For example, I think many of the blogs that talk about being happily single are written by 20-somethings, so while I often find individual posts I love, there are many that reflect that younger stage of life and are less relevant to me now. Maybe all the single not-quite-middle-aged women bloggers are writing about things like politics or social activism, rather than life as a single, not-quite-middle-aged woman? 

btw, in my quirkyeconomist ( http://quirkyeconomist.blogspot.com ) blog, I talk a lot about being happily single, particularly in a world where most of my friends have kids, so feel free to join me there!

Jenn

http://quirkyeconomist.blogspot.com