Bloody Mary vs. Santa Claus

Before the last Spring Break back in March a child in my son’s class told my son a story.  It was the story of Bloody Mary.  Heard of her? No? Well let me fill you in.  Apparently, Bloody Mary lives in toilets, sinks and bathtub drains and comes out to kill little children.  The 1st grade story teller swears on her heart that this story is true to my son and cements the theory by telling him that Bloody Mary in fact, killed her own little sister.

Now I think I would even be afraid at this point. Wouldn’t you?

Since that day way back in March, my son will still not go to the bathroom, take a shower or brush his teeth without me in there with him or hovering somewhere outside the door within his sight.  Day or night. We are in what now? August???? Let’s see March…April…Ma…

My husband and I have tried to be as convincing as possibleas we lectured, cajoled, soothed, assured, swore and promised him over and over that there was absolutely no such thing as Bloody Mary. 

‘Would we ever lie to you?’ we repeatedly asked.  ‘Trust us’ we pleaded.

One day, towards the end of the school year, his teacher called me to complain that my son was spreading this horrible story on to other children and scaring the bejeezes out of them.  So I took a breath. Waited five seconds and then proceeded to enlighten her on the origin of the Bloody Mary story. I also glossed over my son’s new won’t go alone bathroom habits. 

‘Oh I’m so sorry’, she says. ‘Poor Baby’ she continues. 

Well of course he is talking about it! That is how kids process things.  Can you imagine what has been going on his head? 

So since the whole class was now in on the tale, I asked, and she agreed, to please instruct all of the kids collectively on the truth of this fabled drain drenched fiend.

Perhaps the whole high teacher authority thing would finally bring the truth home.

Ah...…nope…what are we in now August?

I never took into account the vulnerability of a child’s imagination.  Perhaps because I never cursed it before. And I feel for him. His fear is definitely real even if the cause is not.  I guess I can’t pick and choose when to activate or deactivate his healthy imagination.

Which is why I’m glad that I make it a point not to encourage the Easter Bunny because I feel a life sized stuffed rabbit is far scarier than anything that pops out of a drain. Might as well have a giant Evil Clown prancing around while your at it.

But to that, I have successfully convinced him that there is a big fat man in a red suit that squeezes his fat ass down a chimney and brings toys to all the boys and girls in the world in just one night. Yes, to his question-even in apartment buildings. He is a magical fat ass after all.

I’ve also convinced him that the Tooth Fairy is one fine bed-hopping chick. 

The 3 Stages of the Tooth Fairy.

You believe in the tooth Fairy

You don’t believe in the tooth fairy

You are the tooth fairy

Full disclosure on Santa- when to tell your child that Santa is not real (oh he’s not?)

You don’t! You let your child tell you.

It will come in forms like ‘hey mom, we just saw Santa in the Mall how can he be at Kmart also?’ or ‘what do reindeer drink for gas?  I never see any signs at Shell’

So why should he believe me when I tell him that some bloody drain kid sucker doesn’t exist? Look at all of the crap I have filled his head with so far.  Granted it is good crap but let’s call a turd a turd shall we?

Why should one be real and the other not? Children don’t discriminate, they believe in all things fake equally…for now anyway.

Why? Because wondrously and thankfully their imaginations are too strong to be broken.

And that is what I want!  Truly! They are only little once and I want him to have the journey of magical thoughts and dreamy Christmas Eves. I worship that special place in a child’s heart!

But for now, I guess that I just have to deal with the flip side to that wonderful coin and fight the evil battles of the dark side of his imagination.

So if you need me…I’ll be in the John with my kid (-: