Not sure how or why it happened, and today of all days, my birthday... Our new place that I held up on a pedistal is not going to happen. I wonder if I had too high of expectations wrapped up into this move and the new house? Maybe I thought it was going to fix everything.
I am a firm believer in listening to the universe, but geesh, I need the right door to open up soon. We are now all packed up and ready to go, to start over, and have nowhere to call home except the place we were leaving. The baby is confused and doesn't understand why her toys are in big boxes in the garage. My teenagers are bummed and irritated. They want out of here as well. These walls grip at our depression and anxiety. Now it feels as though we have to go on gasping for air.
I have goals and hopes and dreams for my little family. We work together to keep everything in order and functioning as a unit. We are kind and loving toward one another. The older ones adore their baby sister and enjoy playing with her and teaching her all about life from their perspective.
I already work two jobs to ensure our needs are met and I am not always saying "no, we can't afford that". I am tired. Tired of missing out on time with my children. Tired of being sad and scared over the abusive ex. I want more from life. I want doors to open. I may be looking toward the wrong doors at this moment, and need to focus. I want a safe home in a family oriented neighborhood that is cost effective and has energy efficient appliances, a working garage door, and walls that embrace us as though granny was giving us a big warm hug.
I put it out there and will keep my focus. And I will let the universe work her magic! :)
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