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Not everyone is ready to celebrate. The holidays are not a time of frolic for everyone. Some people will do just fine at every time of the year, except the holidays. For them, the holidays carry a special burden. For some, it will be the first holiday without a special loved one. For others, it is a time of financial worry. Others may be facing illness, or heartbreak, or be overtaken with memories of holidays past that will never be again. Some may just be lonely. Children may have moved on to other states, beyond the reach of a visit. The nest may be empty. Parents may be divorcing. Families may be dysfunctional. However, for those of us lucky enough to be free of the deepest of troubles, there are any number of ways that the holidays can give us special ways to extend ourselves. So much of the merchandising of the holidays seems designed to make a person feel even worse for feeling bad. It's time to step in if you can.
What to do if you want to help:
1. Lend a hand without being asked. Look around and see who may have gone through a big loss this year, or who is unemployed, or newly divorced.
2. Offer (in a non-pushy way) more than once - find a way to overcome gently what my be false pride or embarrassment in the other party -- "If you come, at last I know someone will be there to help me."
3. If your friend does not want to join festivities, you my decide to bring her/him a holiday meal and to spend some extra time with them.
4. Check in more often. Make that extra phone call, drop into visit an extra time.
5. Involve them in some project -- "Help me ...decorate...cook a pie.....do the tree...make the potato pancakes.."
6. Watch for who seems "at the more ragged edges" this year. Gather them in, by expressing your love.
7. Volunteer at an event designed to help others.
8. Listen to your friend/family member. Sometimes just listening is a very powerful act.
What to do if you are having trouble with the holiday:
1. Do not be afraid to reach out. Let people around you know that you have the blues, or that the holiday is not easy.
2. Plan ahead. Don't let the holidays arrive with out a plan for where you will be, or what you will do.
3. Ask for what you need. Whether it is more hugs or more phone calls, give them and ask to get them, too.
4. Stuck on your holiday with nowhere to go? Look around for someone else who is in a similar position, and go out together.
5. Volunteer your time at a shelter or organization that is serving holiday meals.
6. Accept that you are sad right now, and that the holiday will pass, and it will get easier.
7. Establish some new traditions that do not steer you toward pain.
8. Write out a HUGE gratitude list. Dig deep to bring those good things closer to the surface so you can get some balance.
9. Spend time deciding how you will give TO others this holiday season. Then give. Getting the focus "out there" though an act of goodwill is a fine balm.
10. Check in for some professional help if it gets too bleak. Sometimes it just helps to get things off your chest to a professional.
11. If you are a person of faith, try to lift your attention to the faith-related reasons for the seasons. There is courage and comfort to be found there.
This season has a deep spiritual component, whether or not you are "traditionally" religious. The emphasis is on family, community, personal warmth and the expression of gratitude and love. It is a time to open the heart, however ragged that heart may be. If you are hurting, let others help. If you are fine, be there for someone else. It will make a difference.
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The blog Nodin's Nest has a description of one mommy's holiday blues about watching her son getting older.
Nicole deals with the holiday blues annually. But this year, she has a plan.
Laini, whose husband is deployed in Iraq, talks about how she is dealing with her Hanukkah blues.
Mata H, CE for Religion & Spirituality - has had her share of both blue and jolly holidays...an can be found blogging at Time's Fool
