YUP. That's my baby bump.

I know you are so excited. And you are thinking, man she has been keeping this a secret from us for a while now!

It is quite the little bump.

Except there is no baby in there.

That is just what I look like. And lucky me, I get to be asked when I am due all of the time.

Despite losing 25 pounds and being a healthy, normal weight, I still have a baby bump. Despite exercising, eating right, and doing all kinds of ab strenghting, core strenghting work, I still look like this.

Now, I know. I have had 6 babies. And that is a lot of babies. They have stretched out my little tummy and it just isn't going to go back to what it was.

But before I go on.... you need to know, I wouldn't trade those 6 babies for the best looking abs in the world. They were worth every stretch mark, every saggy bit of tummy.

I digress....

The sad part is, beauty is defined by our society as something very different than what the average woman looks like. And these standards do nothing for my self esteem. If I am honest, I struggle with what my post baby body looks like almost everyday. . And I envy those women who manage to have babies and keep their figures. It is something I have to give to God often.

I know that in the broad scheme of this life, it matters very little what we look like. I know it may even seem shallow or superficial to care. But, if we are truly honest, and examined our hearts, I think we can all agree that every woman desires to be beautiful. We all yearn for that. Maybe we don't need to be beautiful by the world's standards, but certainly we want to be beautiful by someone's standards.

My body image is damaged. I see myself through the lense of an image obsessed society. I compare myself. I am broken. I struggle to even like myself, let alone for a moment believe that I am beautiful. It is sad to me. And I am sure even more sad to my Father who created me.

I have actually been lured into thoughts of plastic surgery. I have played with the idea a few times. I have thought that maybe getting my tummy fixed would make me happier. But, I am fairly certain once it was, I would just find something else I'd want to change. Good for me we never have money, so it isn't even an option. I am not sure I could ever go through with it anyway.

I worry my husband doesn't find me attractive anymore. I get insecure. I don't like him seeing me undressed. I won't let him touch my stomach. EVER. Is it wrong? Probably. Does it affect our marriage? I am sure it does on some small level. And no matter how many times he tells me I am beautiful, I still don't believe him.

I want to set a good example for my daughters. I want them to love who God made them, whatever that looks like. But really, how can I, when I don't feel this way about myself? How can I make them believe they are beautiful exactly the way they are, when I fight my inner self everyday with thoughts of desdain for my own body?

It doesn't help that people ask me if I am pregnant all of the time. That really makes me feel good about myself. How do you even answer that question. Sometimes I want to lie and say YES. Yes, I am. Don't I look amazing? I am due anyday now. But, that would be lying. So, I just smile and say, no.

I realize this is a tough topic. One that not many Christian women are really even willing to discuss. Because we all know the right answers. We all know the verses -

1 Samuel 16:7 - "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Proverbs 31:30 - "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

And we all know the truth. Beauty fades. We all get old. Our bodies are really just a vapor. Here today - gone tomorrow. But,