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I never thought about body image as a kid. This was probably because I lived in a rural area of central Virginia, and I was home-schooled for most of that time, and I was only allowed limited access to television -- so it’s not like I had a lot of reasons to compare my body with others. Even though I recognized that some people I came into contact with had better bodies than others, there was never any thought of dieting, or feeling inferior, or trying to change the way I looked.
My issues with body image didn’t surface until I was in my early 20s. Would I have been affected by these thoughts at an earlier age if I hadn’t been so sheltered from popular culture as a child? I think there’s a good chance I might have been affected earlier, but it seems to be good proof that a person can be susceptible to this kind of negativity at any age, no matter how much someone tries to protect them from it.
I’m not quite as consumed with body image, at least on a negative, personal basis, as I used to be. Last summer I’d already gained over ten pounds from where my weight was at its lowest point -- but that “lowest point” also happened to be five years ago. That’s a long time to be so consumed with keeping your weight inside a narrow, pre-defined numerical range. But that’s what so many of us do every day.
Last summer I decided I was going to focus my emphasis on getting stronger and healthier, and...what do you know? It actually worked. But even with all the mental progress I’ve made, I can’t fathom the thought that it’s possible to ever be completely free of NOT thinking about weight or the shape of my body; NOT feeling bothered if I’ve gained a few pounds that I’d rather not be there.
I think this is why, when I read an article or blog post that talks about body image, my eyes are drawn in and I usually have to read the entire thing before I stop. Even if I haven’t been in that person’s exact situation, I tend to find something in what they say that strikes a chord with me. That’s the thing about body image -- for better or for worse, it’s pretty easy to relate to. (And sometimes just seeing an ultra-skinny woman can trigger the same reaction.)
For example, when Anne at Elastic Waist talked about feeling better about her body once a significant other offered the positive verbal support she needed -- I could definitely relate to that. Your family and friends can tell you every day, all day, that you look good -- but will we ever believe it? In a perfect world we would be comfortable with ourselves regardless of what other people thought, but sometimes it takes a hot-ass member of the opposite sex to convince us to get over our silly insecurities. Because, really -- if someone else thinks we’re hot and irresistible, shouldn’t we?
Here’s what Anne had to say:
Trusting someone with your nakedness is one of the hardest things in the world to do. That kind of vulnerability goes all the way through, from your bare skin right down to your bones and your heart and your head. That kind of vulnerability can leave you dead, if you are not careful. You are naked, vulnerable, and you can do anything, with them. You can be yourself, completely bare, and that is power, and that is strength, and that is what you deserve.
It took me until I was 28 to experience that, and it was something that happened because I ended up in a good relationship, with a good man. And he made me feel beautiful, un-self-conscious, and ridiculously sexy.
At the time, I loved it. Now--I cannot stand the fact that it took someone else to love my body, before I was able to be comfortable with it. That boy is gone, and it was good while it lasted, but what happened afterward is that it was like it never happened. It was all dependent on him. My entire perception of myself came from the outside.
The thing about body image is, no matter how much weight you lose, there’s always going to be something you don’t like, or that you wish you could change. Thin girls
