Boo Humbug!!

I hate Halloween.

Yes, I am the official Halloween grinch.

How can someone hate Halloween you ask?

Well, first off, I’m terrified of ghosts.  The kind of terrified that people need therapy for. I’m not afraid of witches or goblins or monsters or vampires, or men with chainsaws.  I just don’t deal well with the  whole idea of things being there that I can’t see.  I never ever watch scary movies.  I think I’ve seen one in my entire life.  The Shining, with Jack Nicholson.  And I didn’t see it until I was about 16.  By then, it was already around for 20 years, and no one thought it was even scary anymore.  I can still picture that little boy saying “REDRUM” over and over and over…gives me chills just thinking about it.

So, now that you know this little snippet of information, you can imagine why I hated it to begin with.  But it gets worse.  Every Halloween, something bad happens to me.  It’s not always something really bad, but it’s always something bad.  And it’s not just the normal egging of cars driving by or the toilet paper on the trees that I wake up to every year, it’s other stuff.  One year I was driving home from work and a little girl ran out in front of my car while trick or treating.  I slammed on my brakes, missed the little girl, thank God, but ended up with 2 flat tires from burning rubber in the road.

The worst Halloween ever was in 1998. I was getting ready to take the kids trick-or-treating (which I also hate due to the fact that there are sickos out there trying to poison children), and all of a sudden I heard this terrifying scream from the front yard.  I went outside to find my 2 year old at the bottom of the deck stairs with a bicycle axle stuck into her forehead.  She had fallen off the deck and landed on the bike.  She was losing consciousness, and ended up being airlifted to the hospital.  There’s a big, long, scary story and some gory details to go with this, but I’ll save that for another day.  After the doctors determined that she had stabilized, she was given stitches and sent home.  They told me I could still take her trick-or-treating.

Would you take this child trick or treating?

I took her to her Grandmother’s house. That was the extent of Halloween that year.  There was a mask that went with this Barney costume, but I didn’t think it was a good idea to put it back on her.

So, between the fear of ghosts, the cold fall weather (I do live in NY), the eggers and toilet paper kids, the seemingly endless walking and subsequent hours of checking of the candy for needles and rat poison, and all the not-so-good things that have happened to me and mine on Halloween, I  can’t wait for it to be over.

There is one good thing about Halloween, though.  Amongst all the ridiculous horror movies and Halloween programming rises The Great Pumpkin, which is one of my favorite Charlie Brown specials.  This year it’s playing on Halloween on ABC at 8pm ET.  (Considering that the east coast is expected to be in the middle of a hurricane then, I suggest you DVR it.)


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Happy Halloween!!!

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