Boogers for Brains
By gkadams on December 28, 2012
Back in the late 90's, I worked as a Mainframe Computer Operator at Electronic Data Systems (EDS)...Ross Perot's former company. The inside of our control room looked exactly like NASA's control room, with large screen adorning the front walls and rows of computer stations where we all sat. We all worked 12 hour shifts, but we mostly broke up with the monotony with humor. I worked with a good group, but as with any group, there is always one oddball. Our oddball was named, Steve (not his real name). We were mostly in our mid to late 20's, but Steve had just turned 40 years old. The managers were nice enough to bring him a cake a few days earlier to celebrate. That's why I remember he was 40, because the cake was adorned with, "Over the Hill." Him being the oddball had nothing to do with his age. Instead, it had to do with his actions, as I will soon explain.
Steve was a huge guy, standing well over 6 feet tall and generally had a scowl permanently etched on his mug. Needless to say, he was also an ass, but in a roundabout way, he seemed to like me. I kept my distance, but I didn't purposely ostracize him either, not like the others in the group.
One particular day, everyone had gone to lunch and it was only myself and Steve watching the 6 different systems we monitored. Whatever, it was a slow day...typical for a Sunday. He didn't sit directly beside me, but was a few desks down the aisle. Three desks down to be exact.
Whenever we worked on Sundays, the managers were nice enough to play the Cowboys game on the big screen. We didn't have sound, but that was okay. As I was sitting there watching the game, I noticed that Steve was doing something out of the corner of my eye. There was no telling what that turd was up to, and I tried not to pay attention to him until I saw that he turned around and looked over both shoulders. I figured he was about to be up to no good. I turned my head slightly in his direction as he settled back down and began watching the game also. Suddenly, his hand slowly started to inch up to his nose, where he began digging for green gold. At first I thought he was looking for a lost treasure and for all the time it was taking him to pull out the green plug, I figured that booger must have been wrapped around his brain.
Looking at his finger...nothing there
Check finger again, nope
AHA! He pulled it out slowly so it didn't bounce back a cling to his brain again. Apparently he got it loose enough for it to spring out of his nose. I prepared to ream him a new asshole if he wiped that nasty shit on his chair, but that wasn't going to be an issue after I saw that he plopped that juicy ball of green ooze into his mouth. He even scrapped his thumb and index finger against his teeth to make sure he got it all.
My eyes got huge and just about popped out of my head. My stomach churned and I think I threw up in my mouth a little.
Suddenly, he got quite still and so he wouldn't see me staring at him (I mean, how could I turn away after that?), I turned my head forward slowly and starting watching the game again.
The rest of the group came back and David, who say next to me, asked if I was okay, because apparently, I looked as he said, "a little green around the gills."
My reply? "Not as green as that booger that Steve just picked and popped into his mouth."
David just busted out laughing and then looked at me like he didn't believe me. It was unfortunate that I was the only witness, because I mean, really? Who would believe a story like a 40-year old man eating the slimy green ooze out of his nose?
Yes, Steve was an oddball and nobody really looked at him the same after that. I know I surely didn't and never shook his hand or gave him a high five. In fact, anything he touched, I sanitized (like the phone or desk, etc.) If he touched my pen or anything, it went in the trash.
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