Do You Choose Happiness?

I think there is a marked difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is more cirumsantial, but joy is not. Sometimes happiness is beyond our control, but happiness is also fickle. Joy, however, can absolutely be chosen, and can be felt even in the midst of tragedy. So much of joy is about choice and faith, and those two things can be constant regardless of one's circumstances.

I definitely allow myself to be happy. I used to stop myself, out of fear or whatever, but as I've aged I realize that my happiness is solely my responsibility so I try to choose happiness whenever possible!

I try really hard to choose happiness, for my own sanity and to be a good role model for my teenagers. The challenge comes when choosing happiness means saying no to taking on too much. It can be hard for me to say no when someone asks for help or the school asks me to volunteer. But I am getting better. :-)

I often think there are simply people who are unable to accept happiness or really even understand what it is. I think we all deal with tragedy and hardships but there are certain people, even some of my loved ones, who aren't able to find a way to move on, enjoy little things, or gain any perspective after something bad has happened in their lives. Can you train yourself out of this? Maybe through therapy or sheer will? I don't know. I hope so.

First, I have to say that when I read the opening of the book...the way that Guy saw his daughter is the exact way my husband sees our 4-year-old daughter. We have two daughters, and the youngest is 2, but he's had this incredible relationship with our oldest daughter that is captured perfectly in the opening of Sea Change. Honestly, before I met my husband, I would have felt the same way: that his memories make it more idyllic. But it's truly possible. He lights up in her presence.

As for making the choices to make me happy? I have a hard time with it...more often than not. This is simply because my concern is always for others...are they happy? Would this make them happy? I've been trying really hard to make sure that I'm happy, too. In general, however, I truly believe we all have control over our own happiness.

Oh, i definitely think happiness is a choice. Obviously we can't control everything people do or the way they behave, but we can control ourselves. Being miserable for long about something someone's done or a situation only hurts yourself.

I think I choose some and some is out of my hands.

Wow, great question. I've been thinking about my thinking a lot this year, and it's probably true that I don't always choose to be happy. It's hard to break through the negative tapes you've played in your head for years. But ultimately it's my choice, as far as what I focus on. I've been choosing to back away from negative thoughts a lot more than I have in the past, and I'm hoping to string together enough of those thoughts to create a change in my outlook.

I haven't read that book, but it sounds like something I should check out!

This is SUCH a good question, and I love the thought process behind it. I think this is part of why I so often didn't *like* Guy in this book. He simply didn't choose to be happy - ever (that first scene perhaps being an exception).

With the way the economy is right now, I think there are a lot of people who are strugglng with this right now because their lives aren't the way that they feel like they should be and so focus on that and make themselves unhappy or forget what they have going for them or they just don't choose to find a way, some way, any way, to be happy.

I'd like to think I do, but sometimes the guilt outweighs the happiness. I put my family first, and sometimes it ends up making me a less than happy mom... the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm hoping to put myself first more and shed the guilt in 2012. Hoping the same for you (and all the commenters).

New follower. Love your stuff.

The older I get the more I allow myself to make the choices that would make me happy. Sometime it's hard to say no to people, but honestly, I am happier this way.

Happiness is hard work!!! No, really!!!

I know that I'm at my happiest and most mentally peaceful if I keep myself and my space really well organized, eat right, sleep enough, and exercise.

However... I also know that sometimes I feel the pull of the couch and the Internet and the crime drama reruns. Fun and "relaxing" but not really great for my happiness in the long run-- If I do the healthy, organized stuff,, I'm much more calm and my life chugs along nicely. But... couch! <a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html"> Internet forever!!! </a>

Huh, that is a fantastic question. I think that I try to make choices that will make me happy, and in some ways, they usually do. Those choices that don't make me happy are usually misguided or short-term happiness vs. long-term happiness. I think it's not always easy to make a choice about happiness when we are also faced with making choices to "do the right thing" - whether it's for our family or ourselves.

I try to be happy and positive but there are times when it certainly seems difficult. I used to be a less happy person, and I think that it is easy to get sucked into the cycle of unhappiness. At first it is a conscious decision to be happy, but eventually it becomes my default mood (or a habit as previous comments have pointed out). :) Because of this, I tend to use too many smileys in my emails and comments :D

There absolutely are times when happiness is a chosen. I think some things in life are so hard that each day you just have to choose to be happy inspite of it all.

I try really hard to choose to be happy - my husband and I have actually been discussing this in great detail over the last months. It's so easy to think that in the future, other things will make you happy (a house, more money, older kids, etc). I don't want to wish away my happy present for a future possibility.

Not often enough. I land closer to the "melancholic" end of the temperament spectrum & I'm not naturally disciplined. That means I'm still developing the habit of getting in front of my emotions each morning & setting my intention to have joy.

I think sometimes we need to step outside of ourselves and our comfort zone to find happiness. I try to stay positive and move forward from the past. But sometimes you can get stuck in the mud. It just trying to find your way out. Sometimes that is not always easy...

As a parent, I'm learning more every day how to "choose" happiness. It sets the mood for the kids if I'm more positive about things. I think having that positive outlook leads to happiness...

I certainly try do, but it is difficult at times. Choosing happiness is a mindset and is always better than wallowing in the things you cannot change.

I do choose happiness, and believe in the power of positive thought. It has changed my life in the last year - I would not be here without it!

Choosing to be happy, and look on the bright side is a main key to being happy. If you choose to live with negative thoughts and general energy, then you're going to be happy. But if you choose to keep going, dust yourself off when things get bad, and just look at the positive in life, you'll be happier.

I agree. In fact, I think happiness is closely linked with gratitude. I blogged about it after the tragic death of someone I knew:

http://www.cindafuckingrella.com/?p=1253

Happiness is a choice. I've always believed that. I know there are times I don't choose that and I have to work to make the choice to be happy. But for the most part, I find life is so much easier when I'm making the choice to be happy.

I agree that happiness is definitely a choice. Some days it just seems easier to be unhappy, but then those are the days you really need the strength to choose happiness. I think choosing happiness feels overwhelming sometimes.

I honestly think I have bouts where I just don't choose to be happy. I know I should be but I think about the sad things instead. I think it's easier to be sad sometimes then work on the things to help us be better. Happiness takes work I think. It is obviously worth it!! But it can still be work.

Yes. For the most part. But there are times in my life when I can't get past what has happened to be able to choose it. I don't know how I could choose happiness if I lost my child though. That would be a long, hard journey.

Definitely. Everyday, I practice mindfulness and gratitude. It doesn't mean that I am never unhappy or angry or sad. But it means that I appreciate the good that happens in my life. Sometimes, you just have to open your eyes to see the light.

This question really made me think. Sometimes I feel like I go about life at warp speed and made choices as fast as I can just to keep up, but are they the choices that will really make me happy? Not always! I wonder if I stop and think about the choices I'm faced with from now on, how much happier I might be... Would it affect others? Would it lead me down another road? Such a powerful thing to think about!

Self-doubt can definitely prevent us from experiencing happiness, and it seems Guy has a lot of that, but deep depression is something that prevents you from experiencing happiness, even when you "should." You know you should feel a certain way, and you don't, and you know that how you feel is wrong, but you can't change it. I think that's what Guy was going through.

I agree that happiness, ultimately, is a choice. Maybe even a habit? The more you choose it, the easier it gets to keep making that choice.

missbritt wrote a great blog post recently about beliefs that can prevent you from being happy.

http://www.inpursuitofhappiness.net/weblog/2011/11...

It really resonated with me. These are exactly the kind of thoughts I've let get in the way of my own happiness.

I'm with Rita. If you're in a good place, mentally, I think it's up to you to decide to choose happiness, to an extent. A lot of happiness has to do with mental outlook. My favorite mantra is this: "I can choose peace instead of this." I try to remember that when I find myself focusing too much on the negative.

I agree with rainydayinmay . Guy "chose to stay in the grief." It's almost like he took a strange comfort in it; the punishing of himself that way. And I think we all do that to some extent, when we feel it's the way we should be or perhaps it's what we think we deserve. I think most people would eventually look for a way to be happy, in a situation like this.

But really I think happiness in and of itself IS a choice. I think that, just as Guy chose to obsess about the "what could have beens"- that were not at all realistic- he chose to stay in the grief and misery because that's what he knew. We do that. Instead of simply choosing to be happy, we choose to stay in what we know.

Sometimes that means making choices that we know won't make us happy- maybe because we believe we don't deserve it. Maybe that was guys' issue too. That he didn't deserve it. Some semblance of survivors guilt perhaps.

It is entirely possible that I may have answered this question differently yesterday, but honestly, I think I've made Many wrong choices during my grief walk that have gone against my ability to be happy. I am beginning to think that I want to live with this incredible grief, fear and loneliness. What a sad statement but it is possible and it is also possible that by facing the truth I may actually find the joy and happiness I have so desperately been searching for. Question to ponder!!!

As often as possible. Life is simply too short to choose any other route.

I think we often have the power to choose our response to stimuli, and the outcome can be happiness or otherwise.

As I struggle to raise my daughter, I find myself constantly choosing to feel overwhelmed instead of happy that I have the chance to be with her every day. I know I can choose to respond instead of react, and I'm working on that. I want to just laugh at the crazy things she does, instead of thinking it's the end of the world.

But to an extent, dealing with depression limits my ability to do this without some extra help.

I don't think Guy was ever truly happy. Even on that day in the field with his family, he notices that Judy is aloof. He doesn't describe her with as much love as he does Freya. I think his constant dissatisfaction with life is what led him to disappear.

I think you can choose happiness. I actually just posted a little about it on my blog this week. I do think, though, that it's a lot easier for some people than others. My husband doesn't find that choice as simple as I do, and I call him a pessimist all the time. He would say realist.

I think part of Guy's problem was that he wouldn't face the unhappiness in his life and move past it. He let himself kind of float in it, idealizing the past. Part of making the conscious decision to "be happy", seems to involve accepting that there are parts of life that are awful but choosing to focus on other parts.

Of course, that's an oversimplification.

This is a really interesting thread. I can't help but think about how I feel about the word "happy". I prefer extremes, "contentment" or "joy" (and obviously I love quotation marks tonight!) (and parentheses!) ... but I digress. Happy is one of those words that I have trouble defining, usually I place it in the land of laughter, happiness is joking and laughing. Having said all of that though, I don't think Guy really made any choices for himself at all, of any sort. He drifts around pushed by circumstances, just as he lets his boat drift in the sea.

I agree with Rita and with Ashleigh both. A chemical imbalance is a tricky and frustrating condition; I know as I suffer from depression myself. Still (as Ashleigh said) Guy aggravated me also... just as I often aggravate myself! I mean, come on, I have a great life with only trivial problems, yet some days I can barely get myself going in the world because of what's going on in my head! We humans can certainly be frustrating, even to ourselves!

To some extent, I think it depends whether or not your brain is functioning correctly. If you have severe chemical imbalances, there is no way you can will yourself to happiness. If you're in a pretty stable place, though, I absolutely think you can choose whether or not to dwell on what makes you unhappy. There are always things in life that make you happy or unhappy and it's been verified scientifically you can improve your outlook by listing things for which you are grateful daily and by faking it until you trick your brain into believing you really are happy. So much of happiness is what you choose to focus on rather than your actual circumstances.

I think you can totally make a choice to be happy. But, making the choice to be happy isn't always that easy - or easy to just be happy. Sometimes making that choice is a bit scary or overwhelming, but the end result usually is happiness (most of the time). I think Guy was so afraid that choosing to be happy would mean letting go of the memory of his daughter....

yes! that's the greatest thing and most important thing in life.. making yourself happy before you make others happy!

I think this also goes back to the idea of being "stuck." There are people who get stuck in complacent patterns and are unable to move forward, toward the happiness they know exists. I agree that Guy didn't choose happiness, because I think he was scared of it. That's why he left the boat in the dark of night without saying goodbye, that's why he didn't return Martha's kiss. I think he was afraid of making that choice, because sometimes people feel they don't deserve happiness.

This is what drove me nuts about Guy and Sea Change - I choose to be happy every day, and it is a conscious choice. I choose to live in the here and now, in this moment, and though the past is with me it informs but does not dictate my present or my future.

It's self-indulgent to wallow to the extent Guy wallows. The world is here and you are a part of it, for crying out loud. Your wife was leaving you before your daughter died. You are most content when you are fantasizing or inert (floating in the cold sea). That is not living. That is taking up space.

Ooooooooo, he aggravated me!

a/b