Is Marriage Obsolete?

I definetly think less couples are choosing marriage these days. There are more independent women, men fearing commitment, etc.

I came across an article recently that in Mexico City (I think?) where they proposed allowing marriage licesnse to expire after a predetermined amount of time so that if you wanted to continue the marriage you would get the paperwork extended. Sounded like a good idea to me!

I don't think that marriage is becoming obsolete, but I think that both our cultural perceptions of serious relationships have changed and people are also less willing to jump into something that might not work.

I know people who feel like they don't need a piece of paper to prove their commitment to each other and I know people who feel like they need a ring, a dress and the whole shebang in order to be fully connected. For me, it wasn't an issue of either of those things. I didn't care about the wedding. I cared about what my public commitment to my husband meant. I don't think marriage is obsolete, but I do believe the definition has evolved and changed. Especially with the focus on gay marriage in our current political climate.

I agree with everybody who said that our emphasis on marriage has declined as our rigidity about relationships has loosened up. Before, you had to be married to live together and have babies and share bank accounts, or whatever. Now, people don't feel pressured in the same way.

I definitely think that the cultural emphasis on marriage has declined, in part due to the shift in sexual mores. But I don't think marriage as an institution has become, or is becoming, obsolete. It may be re-defined and devalued, but its significance to society should still be a cultural ideal to strive for.

What's sad is that the glitterized wedding industry is shifting the focus from the relationship to having the biggest, most expensive party possible. I don't think marriage is obsolete.. but I wish that weddings were.

Marriage is definitely not obsolete! I had someone ask me why I got married as I wasn't planning on having children. I told them that i got married so that I could be with my Husband for the rest of my life and so that I could have a partner in my adventures! While I know that he would stick around regardless, it's nice to know that he will be there through thick and thin!

There is some sort of comfort to some people that you no longer have to be married in order to be in a long term relationship. It is the same thing when couples have children. There is no longer the feeling of obligation to get married. Now the decision to get married is based solely on love and wanting to spend your life with your partner. More couples are waiting further down there relationships before making that decision/commitment. I got married young, I admit. At the age of 20. At that moment in time I couldn't see myself without him and vice versa. We did not want to leave each others side. This summer will be 9 years of marriage.

I don't think marriage is obsolete. As a lot of others have said, it isn't the necessity it once was, but it is hardly obsolete. I think it is wonderful that people can feel free to choose to be married, choose to live with a partner, or choose to be single, and their choice is (for the most part) widely accepted.

I've been happily with my partner for 12 years. We have 3 kids and are in it for the long haul. We are not married and are not ashamed to say it. Would I like to be? Perhaps. Then again, with the rates of divorce maybe it is just as well to be happily together. I do think that marriage isn't going anywhere, though. There might just be more people with the same mindset as me.

I don't feel marriage is obsolete by any means. I do agree it's role in society has changed. Now, with woman in the work force making as much as their male counterparts; its not a "necessity" for a woman to be married today, as it was 30-40 .. years ago. With that said, I think divorce rates are so high because in today society you can get a divorce on your lunch break! It's an accepted act, much different from long ago when it was considered taboo.

I feel that marriage is anything but obsolete. There are too many people trying to legalize same sex marriages for it to be obsolete. I agree that many people are together for a longer period of time before becoming engaged, and that engagements tend to be longer, but the marriages are still happening. I know a few people who were never officially married but had been together long enough for them to be considered married by "common law." for them it was enough.

I think marriage is changing, but I think that it will be a long time before it is obsolete. Until books and movies stop having the happily ever after endings, that is what many of us will aspire to. I think how often marriage ends in divorce is a sad testimony to two things: 1) that people try for that happy ending without really being sure the person they've chosen is worth the work and 2) that most people are willing to end a marriage because it wasn't what they thought it was going to be. There are many good reasons to end a marriage, don't get me wrong, but I think sometimes it's just that we've bought the hype and don't know what to do next.

Finally, I'd say the entire fight for gay marriage just proves that as a society we still think it means something. Otherwise why would anyone bother?

I don't think marriage is obsolete. It represents commitment. Sure you can say it doesn't change anything, but it's a mindset. If you don't have time to say "I do", then you might as well say "I don't"?

Absolutely not. And the quote from Pew doesn't give the entire story. Although that's a percentage that feels that way about marriage becoming obsolete, the comprehensive report from Pew Research on the decline in marriages states pretty explicitly how the decline of marriage leads to more social problems than we can handle.

I wrote about this recently and included some stats that certainly support marriage as being essential for not only the community but society as a whole: http://www.happywivesclub.com/daily-blog-happy-wiv....

I'm Mormon, and so while reading this book I identified with the parts that talk about how the "traditional" weddings are gone. Just last night, I was discussing with my co-workers my decision to get married 10 days after we officially got engaged. Once we knew it was inevitable, we wanted to get on with it...what was the hurry? We were saving ourselves until we got married, and that is hard to do. I don't think marriage is obsolete, I think that today a very very small minority save themselves, therefore now people have the the luxury of taking their sweet time planning "the day" instead of getting married and then planning their lives together.

I don't know that obsolete is the right term to describe the ongoing reconfiguration that occurs in a culture evolving over time. My marriage is markedly different than my parents for all kind of reasons, some by design, some by happenstance of living in profoundly different historical times.

Having just celebrated a 29th anniversary last weekend, which I blogged about before reading this, I will say that marriage provides ample opportunity for some of the toughest sledding you'll ever do. It also gives you one of the most intense human bonds you'll ever know.

If you choose it and find a good partner who is a good fit for you, life can be quite good. I certainly respect that there are many alternatives, including choosing to be single over marriage or after marriage and wouldn't want to presume to know what would work best as life choices for others.

Love this question. I agree that the role marriage plays in society has changed. While it's not necessarily a "must" in 2012, I don't agree that it's obsolete.

The sociology major in me really enjoyed all his sociological research on the current state of marriage. I also thought it was refreshing that he featured all sorts of brides which I felt showed a glimpse into why so many American women still believe & trust in marriage.

The provoking question: "is marriage becoming obsolete?" as well as different segments of the book reminded me of some advice my husband and I were given before we were married. A good friend told us that it didn't matter why we were choosing to be married or what we thought we loved about that person or how well we thought we knew each other...one day in the beginning of our marriage we would both wake up and feel like we'd entered into an arranged marriage. We'd wonder: how did we get here? and who is this person? It's at that point that you have to dig into the marriage and choose commitment. At the time, I just couldn't believe that would be true - we were SO IN LOVE! But, he was right. We had a challenging first year for a variety of reasons, and we both had moments where we thought we'd made a terrible mistake. I was thankful for this friend's honesty in preparing us and also for the knowledge that my husband and I got married knowing that we'd stay committed no matter what...that pledging our lives to each other was a sacred vow.

Sometimes I think that the sacredness, the holiness of a marriage commitment, the death-do-us-part part is what's becoming obsolete in our culture - not the pull to marriage.

I don't feel like marriage is obsolete, but it seems that it's function in society has changed. Since it is generally a relationship of equals now, socially and economically as well as spiritually and interpersonally, it isn't "necessary" for women in the way it may have been in the past. What this means is that people are freer to make decisions that are meaningful to them regarding their relationships.

I don't think marriage is obsolete, but our work ethic as a nation has changed. Marriage is hard and takes a lot of work. It's not waking up every day in a romantic comedy. There are some really dull days, days you are so frustrated at each other you don't even want to talk, days that are down in the dumps. But, if you stick with it and put the work into it, there are more days of joy than days of sad. It's the most challenging and satisfying relationship you will have in your life.

Marriage is not obsolete. The difficulty of marriage is how long it lasts. A marriage must be looked at as a separate entity from the two people who are married to each other. The couple has to put the marriage's needs before their own in order for a marriage to thrive. After 22 years of marriage I can say that there have been times when that seemed almost impossible, but I am so grateful now that we both kept working at it, as we are happier than we've ever been.

Marriage is not obsolete, but our culture overall does not honor it in the way we used to. I wish we did. A lot of society's problems could be solved in the home, if the family unit were stronger.

I don't think marriage is becoming obsolete- however I think having strong and right reasons for getting married is becoming obsolete. All these few days, week long marriages are just ridiculous.

I don't think marriage is becoming obsolete, especially considering how fascinated our society has become with big, over-the-top weddings. But I think that does signal that people sometimes think more about the wedding and less about the marriage after it.

I certainly hope not. After 2 failed marriages in my early adult life I have now experienced 29 years of a wonderful marriage with my best friend and lover. There is no better feeling than to have someone who has seen the good, the bad and the ugly of you and still loves you.

I don't think marriage is obsolete at all. Yes, marriage has clearly changed, and will continue to change, and hopefully one day we'll see further inclusion for same-sex marriage across the country that will be recognized federally. Marriage without question will continue to evolve just as it always has the expectations are different, divorce is more common, and depending on the circumstances (i.e. abusive situations) I think less of a stigma surrounding divorce is a good thing. However, on the flip side I am a little bit sadden when people turn to divorce prematurely, when there isn't a big "deal breaking" kind of an issue. Marriage isn't going anywhere.

Marriage is undoubtedly the most difficult thing I've ever done. I love my husband tremendously, but we see SO differently on many things that it can be frustrating. There definitely is a place for marriage, though.