The Repercussions of Unanticipated Acts

In my case if every single thing hadn't happened in my life exactly the way it did I would have never met my husband!

I was just talking about this with someone in a meeting earlier today and how sometimes when we do small things for other people, they have big impacts - in her case, it was connecting a student to the right person on campus for financial aid, which meant that student stayed in school and graduated.

It also made me think of how I need to take more time to do these "little" things for others - you never know how this will impact their lives.

Sometimes, it's easy to dwell on those unanticipated actions. The times you've missed an opportunity or escaped death. We flew out of Reagan National, on our way home from a ten day trip to Maryland and Washington DC in early September 2001. We had thought about extending our trip a day or two, which would have put us on a plane on 9/11. The "what if's" plagued me for a long time. I think about the times I got into cars with men I didn't know very well, heading out on a date. Or the times leaving the house a minute later would have put us in harm's way. It's easy to think about the bad and worry so much that we forget about the good. I met my husband when I was a teenager. I had gone to a football game at Texas A&M with my granddad and my cousin. The two of us walked around Kyle Field, thinking we were hot stuff. We came upon the TCU marching band and I said something snarky about their uniforms. Years later, on our first date, he recalled that game and those two teenage girls not even knowing that it was me. All of these moments work together for something much bigger. Much more special. And to think about it all, it just takes my breath away.

I can drive myself crazy thinking about the impact of unanticipated actions - mine and those of others. I have a way of getting bogged down in the details and treating EVERY moment as life-defining and life-changing...so much so that I lose the enjoyment of that particular moment OR thinking about past actions and chasing the long rabbit trail of if/thens. I've done this with the timing of my wedding - my husband's a Navy pilot and we didn't want to wait any longer after college to get married. But, getting married in flight school like we did meant that I had to transfer graduate schools several times. When we got pregnant with our first baby unexpectedly, I was still in school. I've often wondered...had we waited, would I have gone a more traditional route like I thought I would with finishing school, working, and then having children as opposed to being stuck halfway through my master's when we had our first daughter?

Ultimately, I'm grateful that all the little, unanticipated moments work together for a good purpose. Even when I can't see the immediate purpose sometimes, I trust that they're meaningful - kinda takes the pressure off of me to MAKE them that way.

I'm always curious about that in my own life. How can we see what an action from 20 + years ago take shape now in our lives? I went to college - it was a game day decision as to where I was going to go. I went to College A, where I met a very good friend, who later introduced me to my husband.

I often wonder how my life would be different had I chosen College B. I'm glad I didn't, because my life path has been a good one - I'm just always amazed by what a seemingly random choice I made determined the direction I ended up going in forever.

I was standing around chatting with an acquaintance who was lamenting that her late teen son needed a job. I was on my church board and suggested he come do the sound for our services. He applied and worked out beautifully. We had a young woman who sang for us about once every 8 weeks. Cut to four years later - they just announced their wedding plans. I claim responsibility!

Certainly. I decided that for once I'd leave my dorm room and try to be social on campus. It was a struggle but I went out that day and met my future partner. We've been together 12 years and have 3 beautiful children.

I have definitely seen the effects of small and big things in my life. Small things seem to end up affecting the most changes.

Great topic! I often think about this. My husband's father was in a terrible car accident 25 years ago, he ended up, years later, with MS that doc's think relate back to the accident. They ended up moving from the Midwest to Arizona where I eventually met my husband. Had that terrible accident not happened and impacted their life so severely so that they had to move here for the benefit of my father in law's health - would I have ever met my husband? Would I have stayed with my jerk ex because I didn't realize there was better out there? Would I have gone to college where I did? The career? The life? House? Kids? Yeah, it all could have been very different for me and I'm thankful for what I have.

Great topic!

My husband and I are both fairly anal planners but even planned things can have unintended repercussions because of other's unanticipated acts. Two years ago I was taking my daughter to her doctors appointment. Something I do almost twice a month. We parked as always, got out of the car, went to the crosswalk, looked both ways and begin to cross to the hospital front where her doctor was located. Out of nowhere came a man and his wife, both rooting around their front seat and hit Emma and I, Emma from the side and myself, head on. He didn't brake until after I was thrown in the air. He never saw me. A choice that he made that seemed inconsequential to him and took less than a minute and a half, nearly took my life and ended up changing the way I live as I've always known it. His small action became the moment that changed my body, my lifestyle, my emotional health, my ability to participate in normal activities, the state of our finances not to mention that of my daughters and my husband. I'm certainly a firm believer in "a moment in time can change the world."

I see the ripples in my world, I see how things set me up for things that come later and although I often do not realise that in the moment I see it later. I like to think that it is the universe making sure that I am paying attention - sometimes I am.

I think the little decisions are more terrifying at times because they can make such an impact without us anticipating it. Or, what about the things we miss because of the decisions... it all can weigh so heavy.

I often wonder if I hadn't made certain choices in life, where would I be today? If I'd attended a different college, would I meet my husband anyway? Etc. Etc. There are so many things that are impacted by the ripple effect...I try not to take anything for granted. To look at the seemingly negative things and find the positive.

Small ripples are actually what caused me to meet my husband! It was a high school friend who called to tell me his new college roommate's name. I ended up meeting him at a college preview day and I'm forever thankful my hs friend called to tell me his name!

I wonder sometimes about what I suppose might be called a reverse ripple effect: the opportunities or people I've missed out on without even knowing it because of seemingly unrelated choices.

It's amazing to think about how such a small action can affect your life. I never would have ended up with my husband without a chance meeting, gotten my job without responding to a random email, etc.

That has actually been a mantra of mine since I was a teenager. Sadly, I haven't always listened to my own advice . . . A seemingly small decision can have effects that are felt years down the road. Going against your intuition and hanging out with the wrong person, in my case, led to a terrible marriage and a lot of other issues. If only . . . I don't think it's a good idea to analyze the "if only's" though. We should try to learn from our past and do better in the future.

Hmmm, not sure that I've had that so far in my life. But I thought that was an interesting part of the book & interesting that the Parkinson's was linked back to car accident. I guess that's true in my Dad's life. He played college football & has since had five {failed} knee replacements. Not exactly "one unanticipated act" but it's had major repercussions in the lives of my family.

Sometimes ripples take a long time to work out. For example, I had a hard time finding money for college. I eventually wandered down to a small liberal arts school on the other side of town, and they gave me a scholarship on the spot! In the first few weeks of class, one of the professors dropped in and asked if anybody was interested in a job as a soloist for a church choir. BAM! I had a job. Fast forward a couple of years, and at that same school I finally "met" the man I would someday marry (we'd been to a few of the same parties but never actually said hello, long story). When we got married, the church I was working at let me use the fellowship hall for free. There was a church bazaar a few months before, and there was a veil for sale. I asked how much, and she said "Well, if you'll use it at your wedding, it's free." Later I would become the music director at that same church.

One decision -- to see if I could go to school in town instead of living in a dorm I couldn't afford -- led to a degree, jobs, a husband, and a deeply discounted wedding.

After reading this book I really started to make sure to NOT take things for granted because you just don't know when something might happen. I've seen how one small action turns into something else - sometimes good, sometimes bad. I'm truing to focus on the here and now and not the "what if."

I think about that a lot when I think about how I met my husband. We met at work, became friends and slowly started dating. Before I was actually hired at the company where I would eventually meet him, I was temping for them and another place at the same time. I got an offer to become a permanant employee from both places at the same time. I chose offer #2 because I liked the company and the employees better, then a few months later we met. I sometime wonder what I would be doing now if I would have chosen the other job. Would I have met him another way? Would I have met someone else and married them? I feel so lucky to have all that I have, and don't like to think what I would be missing if I would have made a different choice.

I think the ripple effect is interesting to contemplate, but is sometimes better left alone. When I'm in a good place, it is a joyous romp through the "what ifs" of not going to the place where I met my boyfriend, or not being in the spot that led to a contact for a great job. When I'm depressed, it can be a terrible downward slide into trying to pinpoint the moment/decision/act that put me in a bad place. Sometimes, I just prefer to take things at face value, appreciate the good, acknowledge the bad and do the best I can to get through it all.

I love the ripple thought and believe that everything happens for a reason. I've got a wonderful husband because I went out on my least favorite holiday every - Halloween - and my random move to NYC has changed my life in more ways than I will probably even realize until years from now.

For an indecisive person (which I usually am not), the ripple effect can really rock your confidence when choosing to make even small changes in your life. Sometimes it's better to leap and let those ripples fall where they may.