Stroller: Slow Love, Lost Love or Love Never Found?

It took a lot in me to shake my personal version of "Stroller," though "Stroller" wasn't even a good name for him - it was more like "Leech." I allowed this man to use my car (even wreck it once or twice) when he didn't have one, rely on HIM for transportation to and from places I needed to go, and allowed him to dictate most of the decisions in our relationship. Why? Well. I have no idea whatsoever. I look back and I see myself as spineless and meek. I outgrew it fast after he'd done the unforgivable - cheated on me - and never looked back, thankfully. Sometimes it takes a storm to really clear up the horizon for us.

As I shared in one of my comments below, I agree that as women we are just as attracted to toxic friendships, as we are to toxic romantic relationships. My mom talks about how we should "feed the feeders" in our life (the ones who give us their time, love and attention) and focus less on the "eaters." But as with some many things in life, that is so much easier said than done. I am by nature (and nurture) a people pleaser and care more than is healthy what others think of me. It really bugs me when someone doesn't seem to like, care about or respect me, even when I don't really like, care about or respect that person. It's messed up, I know, but something I need to work on...

By the time I was wrapping up the book, I was soooo tired of Stroller. I would have to fight the urge to skip the passages entirely. If I was friend's with Dominique Browning, I would have had to gather everyone she knew for an intervention. He was bad news for her because he couldn't commit and he was really holding her back from becoming the new her she needed to be

I'm not convinced that she's moved on from Stroller (hate that moniker, btw). Otherwise, why would she still see him for dinner on occasion? Why would they have discussions about the book she was writing? Why would his input about his pseudonym carry any weight? It's HER book. Yet his influence is all over it, every time we read his stupid nickname.

Is it mean to call his nickname stupid? It feels sort of mean, but, it is dumb, right? If nothing else it certainly gives insight into his opinion of himself, which is a deluded one.

I too got tired of Stroller and hearing his name. I wondered about Brownings' seeming insecurity in that she could not seem to emotionally shake this man, who really did nothing to build her self worth. He was such a hindrance to her progress, yet he was integral in her growth. For without him and without the experiences she had when she went from having all to losing it all--she found the greatest gift of all, herself.

I think we have all had instances where we have done similar things and remained in unhealthy situations with men, and even friends and some family members too. Leaving a toxic relationship is difficult, but in the end it is really the only way to see who you really are.

There were parts of the book where I was surprised when Stroller made an appearance, after being sure that she'd finally kicked him to the curb. Most people can relate to holding onto a toxic relationship, so I find it hard to judge Dominique's choices. I didn't find it hard to want to grab Stroller by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him to grow up!

I related a lot to the destructive patterns Dominique found herself in. That she continually settled for Stroller instead of choosing to be alone. And I do really believe that every one of us has had a Stroller at some point in our lives --- someone we can't "quit." Perhaps they could be renamed "The Ones Who Wouldn't Go Away."

I think every woman has a stroller. For some reason its so hard to allow ourselves the love we need and deserve.

I've been thinking about Stroller some more. Dominique describes him several times as almost a man-child, especially when he's sewing on his buttons or whatever. I think she found herself excusing his behavior a lot perhaps because of that -- and the fact he chose for himself the name "Stroller" blows my mind, thinking in that context.

I totally get, I think the majority of people get "Stroller". Its a train wreck, you cant get your self to look away! LOL! Maybe its woman in generally and we just like to fix things, and lets face it Stroller needs some fixin. But men can rarely every be changed:(

Honestly, I think most of us have a "Stroller" in our lives, whether it's in the form of a love interest, friend, etc. They are toxic and we KNOW it, but we just can't let go. To the outside observers, it seems obvious and simple, but when you are the one attached, it's a different story. So, in that way, I could understand a bit why Browning hung on as long as she did.

Couldn't agree more. Enjoyed the book but wanted to shake her shoulders when it came to Stroller. Yes, he (through her eyes) was a poor choice for a romantic mate, but she enabled it to continue the way it did instead of sticking up for herself better. It points to some deep seated insecurities she has about herself, I thought. I'm glad that she was finally able to shake herself from his influence.

Sure, what's a robust love life without at least one Stroller? I would love to hear, in his words, the account of our relationship from my long-ago Stroller. Was he deliberately a jackhole or could he just not help himself?

I got tired of him, too--he felt pretty one-dimensional, for one thing. He apparently knew about the writing about himself, as he turned down her original nickname (Walker, which I prefer to Stroller, had anyone asked MY opinion). And maybe hindsight is 20-20 and she was just too infatuated for too long to see what was going on. I have spent time with men like that, but MONTHS, not YEARS. I'm not sure what hole she was trying to fill--no, I get that part. What I don't get is how she seems so hale and hearty about it now, how so soon after she can seem to calm and "oh, that was that, and he treated me badly" about it. Something smells funny about it, to be honest.

OH I have had someone in my life that I couldn't shake, and that people would continuely ask me, "Why??" and I never knew the answer. But I totally agree with you, I got tired of reading about Stroller. I guess it was exactly how my friends felt listening to me talk about my toxic relationship. I just wanted to ask Browning "WHY??"

I have a friend from high school like that - I know that she usually causes me pain and trouble, but for some reason (even after 20 years) I feel like I can't give her up as a friend.

Stroller grated me as well, but not as much as my fellow commenters here. My day job is completely filled with toxic people so my problem was more general with the "popping up in places I didn't want to see it". So much of the book was uncomfortable that it began to be inspiring ... it was still scratchy in many places but overall a chlorine itch I suppose since ultimately she swam the mile :-)

LIke others I found the large amount of time spent discussing her relationship with Stroller unsatisfying and difficult to read. I spent a lot of time thinking about why it grated on me so and I feel that it's because although she realizes she needed to end the relationship the book doesn't ever give you the impression she did. He is thanked in the credits! I wanted to reach into the book, shake her and say "You are worth so much more. Cut him out now!" Dominque Browning is obviously extremely smart and likeable, it was depressing to watch her torture herself in that relationship and disheartening to end the book by reading how she thanked him for his feedback.

While the Stroller sections were my least favorite parts of the book, I can somewhat relate to them. I had a dysfunctional relationship that lasted much longer than it should have and during which I was clearly blind and deaf. Looking back to it I have to say I learned a lot about myself and relationships and it helped me find the man of my dreams. So I don't blame her although many times during the book I wanted to reach into it and shake her a bit. I find it amazing that Stroller read the book!

Like others have said, the Stroller relationship makes the book tedious. How can a woman write an introspective memoir about 'finding herself" when she's stuck in a bad on-again/off-again relationship with a man.

It doesn't matter how much you click with another person. If that forces you to be "the other women," he is a selfish cad who clearly doesn't love nor respect you.

When I saw that Stroller had read the book and offered suggestions, I nearly lost it. I don't care if Browning is only friends with him now, you don't need a toxic presence in your life like that.

In some ways, it felt like Browning was trying to add a Sex and the City feel to the book with her version of "Big." She even came up with the ridiculous nickname rather than just call him something normal.

I do find it interesting that he did read the book. I kept telling myself, anyone who would allow themselves to be mentioned in an unflattering light in a memoir can't be as bad as he seems. Also, most people only remember the negatives in a relationship once it goes completely sour. I'm not sticking up for Stroller, just trying to see why such a smart woman would stay in such a crappy relationship.

Her dysfunctional relationship with Stroller was one of the more perplexing parts of the book. What in the world did she see in someone so self- important, so self- absorbed?