The Things We Keep Hidden

We don't really have any family secrets. We blab way to much to each other to hold anything back.

I'm not sure if we have a big family secret - mostly we just yell about everything and so I don't think we have a chance to have secrets, lol.

I grew up with a huge family secret locked down so tight none of my generation had a clue about it, but in our twenties, our parents explained everything, and their reasons, and I think for the most part, the candid approach when we were old enough to understand strengthened our family bonds, even though we don't really speak of those things now.

it's a fine line dividing things to keep hidden and things to share, and it's interesting to see how all of these secrets shaped the happenings of this book. had a few been told, the outcome of the story would have been much different. but sharing secrets doesn't always result in happy endings.

I'm kind of an open book. If I'm holding back anything, it's generally just how deeply I feel about people because I'm afraid that it might just be too much for them to take in. I worry that I'm a bit too clingy, and I don't want to make someone uncomfortable with just how much I care about them. So that's probably where I hold back the most.

I agree with GwenMathews secrets make for great fiction, however I don't want them in my daily life. They can lead to a lot of hurt and pain and what for?

A few years ago, a friend asked about one of our closest friends and why I thought she always had an excuse for not going out with us when invited. The mutual friend was single, lived 800 miles away, but came back once a month to visit her mother, who lived where we did.

"Do you think she has a secret life we don't know about?" my friend asked.

I've thought about that conversation since then. I think a lot of us have secrets we keep from those we love. Sometimes, they're small, insignificant whispers, yet we sssh ourselves because we wonder what others will think. Sometimes, they're humongous secrets that could ruin lives, if truth be told.

Do I have a secret? Well, if I tell, then it won't be a secret any more. :)

It's best to be honest with yourself and others. Those secrets can spin into lies and innuendo all to quickly. Why take the risk?

This theme was one of my favorites of the book. I loved how it showed how negative secrets can fester and become worse when they are kept away too long and even how they can affect you in ways you don't realize such as the way Ella learned not to investigate anything too closely. It does make you wonder about what unspoken patterns might be unconsciously guiding your actions.

I don't necessarily think that I have things hidden in my life but I think that there are several Kim's floating around. There is the home me, the work me, the blogger me, the friend me. I could go on. I keep the unhappy parts as far away from those who I think need to be shielded. I think the key to being happier is to uncomplicate things and simplify how I operate in my life!

"I think we often fear to speak of the unhappy things, because to do so makes them too real." I think this is absolutely true--denial operates much better in silence. And it continues to be a challenge for me to speak up and break that silence, although there's really nothing major I'm keeping quiet about now. The older generations of my family were secret-keepers--I was reminded of some of them while reading this--and that's been a good incentive not to continue the practice.

Yes, there are certainly things hidden in my life. That just aren't talked about. I would get the most healing from being open about this secret but for the sake of the rest of the family I remain quiet. I have found ways to heal but other members of my that are affected seem to be unable to cope and as a result I've been forced to break ties with them.

I used to struggle with holding things back because I was afraid of the consequences but, as this book demonstrates, openness will bring forth healing. Even if there is pain initially, the freedom that is felt from revealing the truth far outweighs the pain and guilt associated with keeping those secrets.

I've always said my life is an open book. I talk too much to keep anything a secret. It's a blessing and a curse. I do keep secrets others want kept that way, but when it comes to me, everyone can know my business. I don't care.

There is a secret in my family. It's not huge and earth shattering, but it explains a lot about my childhood. My sister once shared the secret with me but because of various circumstances, we can't talk about it with others. Once my sister's circumstances change in the next year, then we will be able to talk about it with others and move on.

I'm pretty good about getting things out in the open. I saw a therapist for a few months and he was surprised that I talked to my Mom about something that happened when I was little a few days after we talked about it during my appointment. My Mom was a little shocked, and upset, that they hadn't done anything about it when I was little. The other person involved was much older than me and so they were believed while I was not.

It still affects my life, and probably always will, but there isn't much I can do about it.

My husband and his family know about it, my family knows about. We just accept it for what it is and move on.

i think it's idealistic to expect that we won't keep secrets because i dont think anyone can be entirely honest (maybe im just a pessimist) but i have also experienced moments of complete honestly and vulnerability and they are exhilarating. i wish i could have more of those moments. in reading the underside of joy, i thought a lot about what joe might've felt in the time he was keeping things from ella... did he envy her for her carelessness? probably not but i know i would covet the ease about her life if i were her husband.

We don't hold much back in my family...even if it comes out bathed in sarcasm and humor it usually comes out. I did find it difficult in the beginning of my marriage to voice my fears and insecurities - but once I did - it was exactly as it happened in the book - we were able to move forward in a positive way.

Get a babysitter so my husband and I can talk!!!

My mom's family is king of keeping things hidden. It's almost a rite of passage, and they all do it because they feel like they're being martyrs and it's what's expected of them or it makes them a better person or... My mom's really big on denial, and the things she claims to not remember flabergast me. It drives me insane, but it also has meant that I do my best NOT to do this... though there are thins I hide that I don't want to talk about. I'm working on it though. Slowly.

I'm pretty much an open book. Maybe too open even. So I don't think I hold back.

I understand though why some people will hold back family secrets or embarrassing events. But to family & spouses, I feel like these things need to be shared.

There USED to be things holding me back, and it took me the better part of ten years to get over them. TEN YEARS. How long is that, God. My "things" revolved around an ex-fiance who was emotionally abusive, my immature self at the time not knowing how to handle everything that was being thrown at me. I gradually let it go and fought daily so that the after-effects of the dissolved relationship wouldn't master me, but it took a long, long time and a lot of patience on my (and others') part.

Secrets are a part of everyone's life. I've found over time that the best policy is really honesty. It's so much easier to live life when openly and not have to worry about divulging information. I do believe when we keep secrets they eat at us and do affect our lives. It was interesting to see in this book how many secrets there were and how they were all kind of intertwined.

Nothing is holding me back, although I don't always speak my mind.

I do tend to let the people I love and care about, know that I love and care for them daily so that I don't have to worry "did they know" when they pass. Sounds more morbid then intended :)

All the secrets in this book frustrated me, but when you think about it, we all have these little (or big) secrets that hold us back or affect us. I think it often represents pain that we just don't want to feel or address. I like to think that I live transparently, at least in my personal life. But families as a unit often have "unspokens" that go undiscussed.