What Does Forgiveness Look Like?

I am not a forgiving person. I'm a you-get-one-chance-so-don't-blow-it person.

I tend to forgive over much I think most people would say. I just can't hold something against someone for very long. Each day is a new day for someone. I may brood a bit, vent, snark, and growl, but in the end, you get another chance. I know some in my life think I am entirely too forgiving.

There's quote by Maya Angelou that I love and consider a lot when thinking about forgiveness and whether someone deserves it. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Sometimes people say they forgive someone, and I don't understand how they can do it? But, I do believe if you can, it's for the best, for peace of mind and body.

That being said, I'm struggling with my feelings about things certain people have done to me...who have also done lots of wonderful things for me as well. And I realized maybe it's more of a tally? Does the list of good outweigh the bad? I'll admit, this is an uncertain area for me.

I'm not nearly as forgiving as I probably should me. I'll accept an apology, but there are something things that are just unforgiveable.

Having been raised Catholic, I find forgiveness is tied up with the concept of penance for me, especially when it comes to things that I feel I need to be forgiven FOR. I feel like I need to do something to atone (something more concrete than saying an Act of Contrition and two Hail Marys).

Perhaps I feel that way about what other people do too, come to think of it. As you said here, I can "accept" many actions from others without necessarily forgiving them. And I think there's something to "forgive and forget;" if you can't forget, and truly move past something that was done to you, can you really forgive it? I'm not sure, but I've realized that a lack of forgiveness on my part colors my behavior toward a few people in my life--but maybe they haven't done their penance yet.

I will usually forgive once- but a second time, you stand very little chance of getting my forgiveness. I tend to have a hard time letting someone back in once they've betrayed my trust, but I also recognize that when it's unintentional, it makes sense to hear that person and let them back in. But only once.

I know I'm not a good forgiver. I'll forget. And I'll accept, but true forgiveness is often a struggle for me. Or it is at least until I'm in someone else's shoes and do the "ohhhhhh" and completely change and rethink my attitude. Again. It's definitely something I focus on, and I find I do better with forgiveness if I talk about the issue with the person rather than bottling it up and just "forgiving" on my own.

I am a very forgiving person... it's the forgetting I have a problem with. I can hold a grudge- ask my husband.

@Sassymonkey - Fascinating post. Forgiving is one of the most freeing things to do - and one of the hardest. It's interesting how willing we are to keep ourselves tightly wrapped in the bonds of anger, resentment and hurt.

I do think there are some wrongs that can't be forgiven, but so many more can be, hard as it is to do so - and I'm as guilty as anyone of holding on to grudges.

One of the most powerful stories I've ever edited was from a woman who found it within herself to confront and forgive the drunk driver who killed her sister. It was a long process, but at the end, she felt it was what her sister would have wanted.

This is a tough one for sure. Forgiveness, forgetting and acceptance are all separate issues to me. People are so comfortable throwing around the words "I'm sorry" and expect forgiveness. To me forgiveness is Love and you face what has been done, maybe never understanding the reason but coming to peace with the fact that it happened and there is no way to change it. Forgetting is close to impossible, it happened and nothing can change that.

I think forgiving and forgetting are often confused. To me they are not connected. To me, forgiving someone means deciding within yourself to let go of the anger associated with the wrong. Forgiveness is something that you have to decide on for yourself. However, forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean you have to forget what happened and act like it never existed. Often both parties can learn from the incident and make things better.

I think that I'm a very forgiving person. When I'm upset, I tend to burn bright and fast. I don't hold a grudge. That said, I also grew up in a cheerful, loving home, so I was dealt a very different hand from - for instance - Sue. I think that Sue wanted to be accepted by her mom. At some point, she just stopped trying. I think that might have been the saddest part of the book for me. As for the difference between forgiveness and acceptance...I think that forgiveness is about an act, and acceptance is about a person. I also think that you can have one without the other.

I don't really forget, but I can forgive. We're all human, and we all have things we wish we didn't do/say etc. I'm not saying forgiving is *easy* for me--it's not, and it took me years to process some things about which I was ultimately able to forgive. However, in retrospect, I can tell you that I feel more settled as a person for doing so. But forget? Not if it really cut me to the core.

I think forgiving and accepting are both strengths. It's not easy to accept things in people. That's how they hurt us over and over. It's only when we accept them for what they are that their behavior stops affecting us.

I am a forgiving person probably to a fault. I believe that people are inherently good. Forgiveness looks like acknowledging that all people make mistakes and are worthy of a second chance

I am an extremely forgiving person. Though I am a forgive but not forget type. If I've been burned by someone I certainly think twice about putting myself in a position to get burned again. However, having said that, I realize that everyone is human and makes mistakes in life, so I tend to forgive quickly. After all none of us are perfect.

I'm with you - there's forgiveness and there's acceptance. Sometimes one leads to another and sometimes they're all tangled up together. But they aren't exactly the same.

I had an old boyfriend who was really not good to me or for me. I eventually forgave him and before he died we had even become friends, but I would never have entered into the same kind of relationship with him, even if I wasn't married to someone else. Even though I had forgiven him, my eyes were finally open to certain character traits about him. I accepted them and they didn't keep us from being friends, but I had learned my lesson.

On the other hand, a group of my best friends in high school ousted me with no explanation from their group, which hurt a lot! Gradually, I became friends with them again and now (40 years later) consider them some of my dearest friends. I accept that their actions were driven by immaturity and I can see past that to the wonderful women they've become.

So, yes, I think I'm a forgiving person.

I struggle with this ... I'm not going to lie or sugar coat that. I hold emotions rather sacred and when I'm hurt, I hurt hard.

I don't forgive easily.

I can't find enough in my to forgive my biological father for absence in my life. For emotional abuse. I just can't And believe me, I've tried. I've tried making ammends and being the better person about a hundred and fifty one times, all to only have him hurt me again and leave me feeling like an idiot, alone, wondering why I ever tried.

I hope I find peace with this pain someday. But forgive? I don't think so. I can't say that it will happen.

I'm a forgiving person... to an extent. There some things that are, to me, unforgivable. Though I'm not sure if I can't forgive or I can't let go of it. Is there a difference? If you can't let it go have you really forgiven?

I believe I'm a forgiving person, but I never forget. I know no one is perfect and don't hold any one to those type of standards, but I have been hurt many time in my life that have forced me to put up walls with certain people. To me, forgiveness is understanding someone made a mistake and hoping/praying that they can learn from that mistake. I strive to me a more forgiving person every day because I want others to be able to forgive me in the future if the need arises.

I am both a forgiving person and a non-forgiving person. I find that I often forgive those who I love and am close to. It may take a little while (just a few hours or at most a few days), but I quickly forgive them. I think this is because I am around them so much and constantly reminded of the good in those people. Once there is forgiveness things quickly return to normal. Those I don’t forgive, I’m not nearly as close to and thus don’t see all the good that out weights the act or words which should be forgiven. This is definitely something I need to work on.

I know that I'm not a forgiving person. After being hurt over and over by the same people...you guard your heart.

But for the sake of my children...I'm trying to be more forgiving.