What's Your Favorite Funny Childhood Memory?
By Karen Ballum on March 06, 2013
In between laughing at Jenny Lawson's recounting of her childhood memories in her memoir, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, I found myself comparing it to my own childhood. We didn't have raccoons in the bathtub, but my uncle totally had a raccoon for awhile. Alas, no one thought to make it jams. It did make me remember a few other childhood memories, particularly those involving wild animals.
There was the night of the bat. We lived in one of those houses with walls that sloped with the roof. In the small part of the lower wall we had cubby holes. I don't think they were ever quite as practical as we had hoped they would be -- that might also be because the only place to put the bed in the room was right up beside them. I shared a room and a bed with my older sister, and since everyone was convinced I'd fall out, I got stuck on the inside. I had trouble sleeping one night because I kept hearing noises from inside the cubby hole, which was right beside my head. I made a pest of myself and woke my sister up. She ignored me until I insisted I was scared. And that I had to pee.
The problem then was I scared, I had to pee, and our only bathroom was downstairs. In the dark. And there were noises. And did mentioned it was dark? So my sister kindly came downstairs to the bathroom with me. On our way back upstairs we saw it. The moon was shining in through the rec room window, and we could see it perfectly. There was a BAT.
I thought I screamed loud enough to wake the dead, but really I just screamed hard enough to make myself vomit and to wake the entire household. The next thing I knew my mother was running around with a shower cap on her head and broom in hand determined to catch the thing, and by "catch" I mean kill. Meanwhile she was screaming at us to cover our hair, as the myth that bats could get tangled in your hair was still in full force.
I know my mother eventually "caught" the bat and that somehow they convinced me to get back into bed, even though the noises I'd been hearing from the cubby hole beside my bed had totally been the bat. I also know that my family was convinced I totally overreacted. Now? I can say it was funny. At the time, not so much, and I'm not entirely convinced I wouldn't react the same way today.
But the Bloggess made me feel I got off easy. At least no one woke me up in the middle of the night by holding a bloody squirrel puppet. Or has ever thrown a bobcat at me. Yet.
What's your favorite funny childhood memory?
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