In the Box - Gender Roles and Preschool

A concept worth checking out is Equally Shared Parenting. I love Amy and Marc's website and their blog. Although we do not share the housework, child rearing, and the income earning 50/50 (as they propose), we have done enough shifts back and forth over time to (I hope) not give our children any preconceived notions about gender roles.

For example:

I stayed home with both kids for the first few months (3 months with my son and 6 months with my daughter) while my husband worked and he stays home for the remainder of time until they turn 3 years old (at which point we enroll them in preschool).
I am an entrepreneur. I own my own business and work outside the home. My husband is working on his PhD and does his work in the evenings/on weekends and my mom babysits a couple of days per week while he goes to class/writes papers.
I cook, shop and pay the bills. My husband does dishes, all the cleaning, and does yard and home maintenance. We share laundry.
We take turns putting kids to bed and probably both spend an equal amount of time doing things with the kids.
That said, they will of course get ideas from other places and I hope that they will learn to cherish the type of lifestyle that we have made for ourselves and to see it as normal or at least desirable.

PhD in Parenting - http://phdinparenting.com ( http://phdinparenting.com/ )

Gender specfic roles are presented everywhere, in ads, TV at daycares etc. A child just observes the world and then "connects" those ideas in his or her brain.

How would you react if your son decided to wear your clothes? What would you say if he decided he wanted to wear his sisters dress to the mall? Would you allow it, because he truly wanted to wear the dress, or would you tell him dresses are for girls? In today's society we send so many mixed messages about gender roles, he was just making an observation that he is a "boy" and he wants to do what daddy does. I think it's innocent but then again maybe he is picking up on what is considered "normal" family dynamics in our society.

http://wondermommysfreespeech.blogspot.com/

Donna Donnelly

Corporate Blogger for Gracobaby.com

http://blog.gracobaby.com ( http://blog.gracobaby.com/ )

I've always been fascinated with child development, particularly when it comes to gender roles.  Many of the comments so far touch on very important social issues and give some practical advice on being a role model as well as, how to address these issues with young children.  Great conversation.  Just being cognizant of your own behavior helps.

I'd just like to throw out there some food for thought, however.  Sometimes we adults take things too seriously.  Is it possible that this little one was just enjoying a try-on role and was playing out a fantasy that he was going to work for that particular moment?  Especially at the age of 3, I imagine that he would be pretending in many roles throughout the day.  I wonder what he'd have said if you asked him what his job is?  That would give another opportunity to explore ideas further.  But if he had been pretending to be a tiger at the zoo or any number of other things, Im sure you may not have been so concerned.

I agree with the concept that we all live in the home, so we all pitch in for it's care, and we do that so that we all can also pursue self-actualization and enjoy our life experiences.  Keep up the good work and let kids enjoy trying on different ideas until they find their own.

Kids pick up so many things, so even if you are teaching equal gender roles in the home they often pick up outside ideas on what the roles should be. We have the "traditional" roles in my house, but I'm always trying to make it clear that this is our choice and not because I'm the mommy/he's the daddy.  We all should pay more attention to what we do and say. :)

Summer

http://wiredfornoise.com 
http://twitter.com/summer

Veronica your words are so true and before becoming a mother I never gave thought to how I would teach my son about gender. As you've stated our kids see black and white and we are truly working against "societal norms." We all must pay more attention.

Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

Exactly.

While today's man does a lot more housework than a generation ago, there is still a huge gap in what he does and what a woman does. http://www.yourtango.com/20084737/study-women-hand...

My daughter's 6 and I find that her sense of logic is absolute. It's black & white, very little gray.I see this in a lot of kids. I suspect this is why it is hard to teach them to "lie" when it is polite. And kids pick up on differences quite well because they are always sorting and categorizing life. So even small differences look huge to them and thus "win" them over to "mom=housework, dad=work outside home." 

I know it's hard, but we all must pay attention to how gender is constructed in our lives, the media & society at large. That's what our kids are doing, so we need to do the same thing. 

Your son is already picking up on the subtle social cues that there is a gendered division of labor that occurs in your home & in most homes, just as this little boy & the little girl who makes him"meals" have. The fact is women still work a "second shift" (as Hoschild called it) when doing paid work, meaning they work full-time for income & then come home and do a full second shift of work (this time unpaid).  While still men do not do the same level of unpaid carework in the home, although they are doing more than in the past (within the modern division of labor of private/public spheres). It doesn't change if working from home for employment either, women still do more of the carework (unpaid work) in the home. 

Children at this age are starting to develop and try to make sense of gendered roles. I agree that it's no wonder that a child would divide out the roles, especially in a less complex manner than we adults have to live them.

beth aka confusedhomemaker

 http://theconfusedhomemaker.com/ ( http://theconfusedhomemaker.com/ )

Thanks :)

Its such an interesting topic.

I actually agree with you. As I noted, this discussion really helped me to reflect on the things that I am teaching my child and I recognized that I need to make things clear for him so that there is no confusion. Thank you for your comment, I find that you always have insightful things to say.

Cutie Booty Cakes ( http://cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com/ )

I wonder if this child:

Her son said "Bye Mommy! Daddy and I are going to work. You work here" and gestured to the kitchen as he turned to walk out the door.

 Is not so much making a statement as testing some boundaries.  He has probably come up against images and ideas - from TV, books, maybe even what people say, that do not fit with what he sees in his family life.  Or possibly some contradictions within his family life. To make sense of this, I might very well make a statement like this to "test reality" as it were.

Kids are so very perceptive and "suck up" attitudes - that is why it is so important to expose the complexity of the world rather than simplifying things with stereotypes.  Its good to be confused sometimes.