the boyfriend dilemma

Being the mom of three daughters i will have to deal with this issue more than 1 time, and that will even depend on how many boyfriends my daughters each have throughout their lives. At what age do you allow your daughter to date? let alone have a serious boyfriend. i remember getting those secret little notes or the friend of the potential boyfriend announcing his like for me and saying "so do you wanna go around". "go around?" what the...(go around where?) i thought the first time i heard this. and this was in the fourth grade mind you. i was oblivious to all of that drama because i was the quintessential tom boy in the neighborhood, always hanging with the boys. so it came as quite a shock to me that one of them wanted to be my boyfriend. i shrugged off the request and continued what was to be my last year hanging with the boys because i was going to develop breasts over the summer and become less of a tomboy. my actual first boyfriend was in the sixth grade and i was all of 12, he was new to school and i was enamored that he even liked me, black hair, deep dimples and a star runner. so i gave in and went around with him. it was a serious little affair, as serious as it could be at 12 (this was in the late 70's and i didn't even know what sex was at that age), i did get my first kiss from him and i think it lasted all of three months because he broke up with me right before summer and right before our venture into 7th grade. he did try to woo me back and i played it cool by rejecting him, i was in 7th grade now and there were lots more boys to notice. not to say that he didn't break my heart because he did and i felt the first pangs of a women scorned. i had a handful of boyfriends and when i was in highschool i only had one boyfriend and when he moved to live with his dad in LA  we broke it off and i really didn't want to have anymore boyfriend drama. though he didn't pressure me for sex i just saw all of my girlfriends and some girls that weren't my friends go through this crazy "my boyfriend defines me" bullshit. one girl tried to kill herself, another had an abortion, another one became bulimic and a few of them became teen parents. that is not to say i didn't have crushes i did, i just didn't realize how lovely i was at that age and i withdrew into myself and became a loner. i had a bout with mononucleosis that i had gotten from that boyfriend and i realize looking back on it i became a little ocd so i think that shut me down, there is a syndrome for this but i don't know what its called. i actually didn't have a boyfriend again until i was 25. my dad i am sure was thrilled, he had been put through the ringer by my older sister. that is until i picked a guy that he hated and he ended up being right about, that is another blog.

my oldest daughter who is 17 is already a mommy and has had more boyfriends than i can count, of course she blames me for any mistakes she has made. some of them i knew about and others were found out after the fact. i told her she wasn't old enough to have a boyfriend at 14, but the next year she got pregnant, and at 16 had her son and now at 17 she is out of my home (living with my sister ) because we clash on eachothers choices. so now i have my 13 year old beauty who doesn't know she is beautiful and is displaying some of my antisocial teen angst entering highschool in four weeks and i am, well nervous. she is my cautious one, the one who will check the water before diving in. i trust that she will make good decisions, i know watching my older sister's drama made me weary of  certain things like boys and drugs. being the oldest sure is hard. like me, my 13 year old is a middle child. when she was just 13 she asked about having a boyfriend, i said no when i found out how old he was, 16! no way, no how. noooooo! then a boy her age liked her and i agreed they could do the group dating thing, but to my joy that fizzled in no time. but with the approach of highschool and a whole new world of boys i am anxious.

my daughter from another mother had her heart broken recently, and when she and her mom and my daughter and i went on a little girls day yesterday she was down in the dumps and not a happy camper. she is 16 and she is one of those girls who are defined by their boyfriends, her mom is also a single parent. i look at her and think oh my darling your whole life is waiting for you, don't be in such a rush because you cannot get this part of your life back! to her and my daughter i say make the most of you now, but remember now is not forever. i know that crying over the boyfriend will be something that i will deal with a few more times and i will bring out the icecream and the tissues and the shoulder to cry on and after that i will go and kick his ass for breaking my little girls heart. ok, ok a little extreme, but secretly you know that is what you wanna do too!

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