breaking up is hard to do.... via instant message

In moving forward in finding love I needed to look back at the relationship with the only person I loved, my first love, Woo. 


In the years that Woo and i dated on and off and I like to think that's when I learned to protect my heart, but not guard it.  I mean things didn't always go smoothly. In those years, Woo had done everything from have sex with an ex girlfriend i specifically asked him not to, to showing up at my house in a different city as a surprise. 


Almost everything Woo had done was manipulated and warped and I didn't even know it, even our first date. I thought I had won tickets for employee of the week or month or whatever but it turns out he suggested to the next boss up that I should get the tickets just so I would take him. He knew I would ask him to go with me, he knew how much I liked him. It wasn't a world altering manipulation but it wasn't honest. But honestly, it was an amazing date at six flags.


I had never had a boyfriend who touched me the way Woo did.  I don't mean inappropriately but a more mature way of showing affection, a way I had never experienced before, I ate it up. I felt like I was in an adult relationship, but in reality I had just turned 19 and he was 21.  


I was so blind because of all the wooing, I missed something. I had let him into my life, my family. I'm pretty sure the only place I was allowed in his life was in his mom's livingroom. 


Summer ended and we were both headed back to college.  I had complete faith in us, long distance wouldn't be an issue, or so I thought. I still feel to this day, his now ex girlfriend convinced him to break up with me due to us living in different states, even though I saw him ALL THE TIME when I went home from college, when he should've been with her. 


I should hate him for the way he broke up with me. If you have ever seen Sex in the City with Sarah Jessica Parker, the 'post it' episode, you'll have an idea of where I'm headed with this. However I didn't get a post it, I got an instant message on my laptop, stating 'we need to talk. I can't do this anymore.' That douchey move is what I woke up to one Saturday morning and should've been enough for hate him.  But as you've read, that is not the case. 










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