by Kathleen O'Brien

I felt I was attacking that pie

in my speech on the perils of a positive attitude, but I'm tired of people telling me how to feel.

I gave a speech earlier this month at a terrific charity golf event. (No, I didn't golf.) I was going to write out some key words on 3x5 cards, but after mentioning my speech topic to a few people, I realized I was wading into something quite controversial.

I was going to be dissing the insistence on having a positive attitude.

So I wrote it out and read it to an audience of happy golfers. I began by telling of my decision to go public with my illness in the newspaper, and then to start blogging. Here are some excerpts:

Almost immediately what started flowing my way was compliments. Not just prayers and good wishes, but actual compliments. Countless people said some variation of: You have just the strength of character to beat this thing.

Your positive attitude means you’re going to win this battle. Your sense of humor will help you lick this thing.

While I was flattered by the compliments, I was perplexed by the logic. Perhaps if I hadn’t lost both parents to cancer, I’d have a different attitude. But all I could think, in those early days, was “Strength of character? You didn’t meet mother. Sense of humor? You didn’t meet my father.”

A sense of humor will help sustain me during my treatment, definitely. But do only funny people manage to win against cancer? I don’t think so. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m certainly not dismissing any of these traits.

To whatever extent I possess them, they’ve been vital, absolutely vital, for getting through each and every day lately.

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